Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You
by Ruru Kitsuneko
Summary: Sasuke gets enrolled by Itachi in an all girls school as a practical joke. Itachi's betting he won't last four years without turning gay. Can Sasuke prove him wrong?
1. A Joke's A Bet

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you have fun reading this one… And I hope you have fun reviewing it, too…

CHAPTER 1: A JOKE'S A BET

He was going to kill Itachi.

Uchiha Sasuke had always idolized his older brother. After all, he was handsome, smart, good at everything he did, and to top it all off: he was a lot of fun.

In this instance though, that fun seemed to be at his expense.

It all started the day of his registration into high school. His brother had volunteered to register him—which would normally have been their parents' job—since in Itachi's words: "I don't have anything better to do."

Sasuke didn't find anything amiss with that. If his big brother wanted to play "big brother", that was just fine. If his parents suddenly decided that the time was right for them to take an extended honeymoon—seeing as both their boys would be entering high school and would be living in dorms—that was just fine, too. When Sasuke showed up for first day orientation in his new school: it stopped being fine.

Why?

"Big brother" Itachi… had just enrolled him in an all-girls school.

He was _really_ going to kill Itachi: very slowly… and very, _very_ painfully…

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" Uchiha Sasuke yelled at his older brother Uchiha Itachi after he had seen his new school.

"Relax," Itachi drawled calmly as he regarded his younger brother beneath his lashes. "Father and Mother wanted you to go to a good school like mine. Saint Blossom Academy is a _fine_ school. So what's the problem, little brother?"

A vein pulsed in Sasuke's temple. "You—are—being—_deliberately_—obtuse!" he gritted out through clenched teeth. "Is this another one of your sick practical jokes? You know as well as I do that I can't go to an _all-girls school!"_

Itachi tsked in mock annoyance. He was clearly enjoying his younger brother's appalling dilemma, which was of course, his own creation. "Now, now, Sasuke," he placated. "I really don't see what all the fuss is about. There's nothing in Saint Blossom's school manifesto that prohibits _men_ from enrolling in, so there's really no danger of you being expelled. See how considerate I am?"

" 'Considerate' my ass!" Sasuke snapped, utterly furious at his impervious older brother. "It's an _unwritten_ rule, and well you know it. Fix it, or I'll _kill_ you."

"Such violence towards your only sibling," Itachi said mournfully. "Truly, it's tragic."

Sasuke cracked his knuckles threateningly. "You son of a—"

"Now, Sasuke," Itachi cut in. "There's no need for you to insult our mother so, just because you didn't come out a girl instead of a guy. It's really not her that is to blame."

"Obviously, it's you, you sadistic asshole," Sasuke hissed in furious sarcasm. "I cannot _believe_ you would actually do this to me."

"News flash, dear little brother of mine," Itachi said mockingly. "I just did."

"Well, why the hell did you?" Sasuke yelled, his patience exploding.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Itachi shrugged dismissively. "I had nothing better to do. I thought I should do something creative."

"Paint a picture! Write a novel! Play an instrument! God knows, you're smart enough to pull it off," Sasuke ranted. "That is the most imbecilic thing you're ever done. It's not creative; it's moronic, you hear me?"

"You're yelling, brother dear," Itachi said rubbing his ear holes. "Of course I hear you. My eardrums will never be the same again. What's the big deal? If you're man enough, even four years at Saint Blossom's won't turn you into a homo." Slanting his brother a sly glance he added silkily, "Or are you afraid to prove me wrong, eh, Sasuke-_chan?"_

Sasuke glared at him with impotent fury.

"Well," Itachi taunted. "Do we have a bet, little brother?"

If looks could kill, Itachi would've been writhing in agony by now. Sasuke didn't answer—then. But when he showed up for his first day at school in his pink and white Saint Blossom uniform, he answered loud and clear: the bet was _so_ on.


	2. Uchiha Satsuki

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to all the reviewers of the first chapter. I usually try to mention individually all those who've reviewed my fic, but if I do, it'll take up too much space, so I'll just reply through your accounts. To those anonymous reviewers: I guess, there's no choice but give you honorable mentions here (you'll find it at the bottom of the fic). Although Japanese high school has only three years, I used four here, for reasons that will soon become obvious. And without further ado: here's chapter 2. Read, enjoy. Review, enjoy. Everybody happy? Yay!

CHAPTER 2: UCHIHA SATSUKI

"OK class, settle down," Yuuhi Kurenai called out to the class at large. "It's time to talk about something else besides make-up."

The class laughed and settled in their seats.

"I'm Yuuhi Kurenai, you're homeroom and history teacher for this year," she announced. "I'm also the class advisor for Class 1 Section Yuri (Lily), which is you girls. Call me Yuuhi-sensei or Yuuhi-san or Kurenai-sensei, I don't care which, but please don't be so familiar as to call me Kurenai-_san."_ Riffling through the sheets of paper she pulled out the class roster, called out— "Attendance!" —and started ticking off names.

"Arina Chizuru?"

"Hai!" the girl said raising her hand in the air.

"Ebara Satomi?"

"Hai!"

On and on she went, until—

"Haruno Sakura?"

"Hai, sensei," a pink-haired girl with leaf green eyes answered politely with her hand up.

"Hyuuga Hinata?"

"H-Hai, sensei," a blue-black haired girl with highlights answered, her pearl-like orbs darting around the classroom nervously.

"Oi, Hinata," Kurenai-sensei said reproachfully. "Try to put a little more conviction in your voice. It's only attendance, not a hanging."

"H-hai," Hinata answered promptly, but no less nervously.

Kurenai sighed. Well, she had to start somewhere.

"Now, where were we?" she muttered, trying to find her place, "Ah, yes—"

She continued to take attendance until the last two names—

"Uchiha Satsuki?"

"Hai," came a husky voice.

Most of the class flicked their glances towards the speaker, and an undercurrent of murmurings could be heard buzzing around.

"Did she say 'Uchiha'?"

"Is she related to Itachi?"

"I think she's pretty."

"What do you expect? She's an _Uchiha."_

"She looks kinda snobby, though."

"No way—"

"All right, girls," Kurenai-sensei commanded patiently. "You can all talk to Uchiha-san after class. Quiet down, please."

The class obeyed, as she finished the roll call—

"Yamanaka Ino?"

"Hai!" the last girl answered, her long blond ponytail flipping merrily as she glanced first at Satsuki and then towards Sakura, a meaningful message in her blue-green eyes.

* * *

"Sakura!" Ino called out during lunchtime. 

Her best friend since kindergarten, Haruno Sakura, swished her long pink locks as she directed her attention towards her.

"Did you see the room arrangements already?" she asked excitedly.

"Why?" Sakura asked curiously. "We're together, aren't we?"

Ino shook her head meaningfully. "I'm with Hinata-chan."

"What?" Sakura asked in surprise. "Why are you sharing with her? Isn't her sister, Hanabi, in the same year?"

Ino leaned closer as Sakura pulled a plate of sushi on her tray. "The administration decided not to put them together, whether it's in the same room, _or_ in the same class."

Sakura's brow furrowed slightly. "I guess that's pretty reasonable. I wouldn't want my genius _younger_ sister within ten feet of me, unless it was at home—with a thick wall between our bedrooms—preferably steel."

"You don't _have_ a sister," Ino answered, rolling her eyes.

"No," Sakura drawled playfully. "I have you!"

Ino perked up at that. "So, you're finally admitting I'm a genius?"

"Keep dreaming, Ino," Sakura said. "It might come true someday… Not!"

Both girls burst out laughing.

Sakura winded down first. "Oh," she began, wide-eyed, "you were telling me about the room arrangements…"

"You're with the Uchiha girl," Ino whispered.

Sakura's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding?"

"Nuh-uh," Ino answered shaking her head, as she took a bite of her Cesar salad. "I asked R.A. Subaku, and she said Satsuki's Itachi-sama's younger sister."

Sakura's chopsticks paused midway to her mouth. Her sushi forgotten, she inquired offhandedly, "She is, huh?"

At Ino's nod, she murmured, "The possibilities are endless, really."

At Ino's raised brow, she added with a slight smile, "Ino-chan, we're gonna have us a new friend."

* * *

"Satsuki-san," Sakura called out to her new roommate that night.

Sasuke looked over the book he was reading to give her a brief glance.

Sakura bounded on the side of Sasuke's bed, and plopped herself down with a bright, "I can't believe you're out of your uniform already," indicating Sasuke's huge shirt and jogging pants.

"I don't believe it's a requirement to sleep in our uniforms," Sasuke answered back in a cool, husky voice, "or am I mistaken?"

Sakura shook her head with a nervous giggle. "No," she answered smiling. "Ne, Satsuki-san, you're Itachi's younger sister, right?"

"I can say for a fact that I am Itachi-nii's younger 'sibling'," Sasuke murmured noncommittally.

"Well," Sakura began hesitatingly.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're as intimidating as your brother," Sakura remarked with a nervous laugh.

"Why," Sasuke asked coolly. "You've talked to him?"

"Um, no, not really," Sakura squirmed, then blurted, "What's his type of girl?"

"One who's not breathing," Sasuke answered with prompt wryness.

Sakura nodded quickly. "Right. 'One who's not breathing': I'll keep that in mind— Wait. Doesn't that mean— I mean, if you're not breathing, you're not—alive, right?"

"I wouldn't know, I'm not dead," Sasuke answered wryly, and added under his breath, "yet."

"Well… How about looks?" Sakura continued, desperate to keep the conversation going. "What's his type: fair skinned, tanned, slender, voluptuous, busty, short haired, long haired, what?"

Sasuke gave her a blank stare.

"I mean I'm basically OK in the looks department, but I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything like that, and my vital statistics aren't much. They're pretty basic," Sakura babbled. "How about you: what's your vital stats?"

"I beg your pardon?" Sasuke asked in a shocked whisper. "My _what?"_

"You know," Sakura prodded. "The 36-24-36 kind of thing." When Sasuke continued to look at her in blank shock, she jumped at another topic: "How about your bust size?" —she glanced at Sasuke's chest (he was wearing a wonder bra underneath, courtesy of "big brother" Itachi, the perverted sick-o sadist)— "You look pretty busty to me." —a sigh— "I wish I had more boobs, y'know? I'm still just a A-cup, but Ino's a B-cup, and Temari-senpai's an C-cup for sure." She nodded for emphasis, while Sasuke stared at her in open-mouthed astonishment.

'What the hell?' Sasuke thought reeling, spots of color appearing on his cheeks. 'Do girls go around talking about their "breasts" all the time? Good grief: I have to endure _four_ years of this?'

Before Sakura could unknowingly embarrass herself any further, there was a sharp knock on the door. It opened to reveal Subaku Temari, the dorm R.A.

"Hey, Haruno, Uchiha," she greeted casually. "How's it going?"

"Ah, R.A. Subaku," Sakura greeted back. "We're doing fine. And how are _you?"_

Temari shrugged. "I'm OK. Could've been better, I suppose. Too many duties as R.A. Speaking of which, you don't have to call me R.A. Subaku all the time, it gets pretty tiring after a while. Just call me Temari-senpai. Well" —she paused stretching her arms, which caused her fitted shirt to stretch tautly over her ample breasts, something Sasuke noted, due to Sakura's earnest observations— "I better check on all the other freshmen before I turn in. Is something the matter, Satsuki-san?" she asked concerned. "You're face is all red. Are you getting the fever?"

Nothing a cold face wash wouldn't fix. "Uh, it's nothing, Temari-senpai. Please don't mind me," Sasuke assured her quickly, his cheeks still bright.

Temari looked skeptical. "You sure? Absolutely positive?"

Sasuke nodded vigorously: anything to get rid of her. If only it were as easy to get rid of his roommate, too.

Temari eyed him for a moment, then deciding that Sasuke really was all right, bade them a good night, and closed the door behind them.

Sakura eyed Sasuke critically. "You know, I think she's got a point."

"What point?" Sasuke asked.

"I mean, you're really pretty and all, but well, you're features are sort of, I dunno, slightly _masculine,_ I guess," she remarked offhandedly.

"I'm not complaining," Sasuke answered in a strangled mutter.

"Well," Sakura said speculatively, tipping her head slightly to the side, "You look pretty much OK, but if you _really_ put your mind to it, you could be prettier than you are now."

Sasuke had absolutely _no_ desire to be "prettier" than he was, ever. Sakura, however, had other ideas.

Clapping her hands in glee, she said excitedly, "I know! We'll do a makeover on you tomorrow. Nothing major, just a few touches, here and there. It'll be great! Don't you think so?"

Sasuke absolutely did _not_ think so: in fact, he could honestly say, it was a very bad idea. But if he didn't do it, he would give Itachi license to mock him for the rest of his natural life and beyond. Compared to a makeover… The makeover was looking better all the time.

Yeah, right.

Life in an all-girls school was going to be purgatory. Itachi really was a devil.

AUTHOR'S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:

To Anonymous, Lija-chan, ann, and the nameless reviewer: thanks for your reviews! I'm glad you guys liked it. The Saint Blossom uniform isn't pink btw, it's white sailor outfit with a pink scarf. I'm glad you guys liked the plot. To those who had signed reviews: I replied to your e-mails. Ja!


	3. The Uchiha Itachi Fan Club

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks again to all the reviewers—sorry, I can't mention you all individually; it'll be the death of me. As before, check your e-mails for replies. Also, I'd like to convey my special thanks to pei-chan for her insightful comments regarding this chapter. To not-so anonymous reviewer ladyaymie: thanks for the compliment and the review. To all readers: have fun reading and reviewing my chapter 3! -blows kisses-

CHAPTER 3: THE UCHIHA ITACHI FAN CLUB

Sasuke had no idea what possessed him to think that he could endure four years of this.

The "this", being Saint Blossom Academy, an all-girls school.

He should've told Itachi to screw it and bashed the living daylights out of him…

Instead, he was here at the Tsubaki (Camellia) area of the students' dormitory—which was the freshmen's wing—of Saint Blossom, in the dorm room he shared with Haruno Sakura…

Getting a makeover.

A _makeover!_ Of all the scandalous things… He never wanted to look into a mirror again for as long as he lived.

"Don't move, Satsuki-san," Ino cautioned as she applied a delicate coat of mascara on Sasuke's lashes. "I'm almost done. I can't believe what nice thick long lashes you've got," she remarked, "I don't need to put as much as expected."

Sasuke couldn't believe it either: mascara? Good God! The world must have gone insane… _He_ must've gone insane. That could be the only possible explanation…

"Sakura did a good job on your hair, don't you think?" Ino asked cheerfully. "Those barrettes look good on you."

Sasuke almost lurched out of his chair. For the love of God, how could he go around wearing _barrettes_ in his hair? If he had any pride left…

"And you're skin is so nice, too," Ino continued, unconcerned that Sasuke hadn't given her an answer. "Not a single pimple. You must use some kind of expensive facial wash. I didn't even have to put powder on you."

Facial wash? What the hell? As far as Sasuke was concerned, soap and water did just fine for face washing. 'What do these women do to themselves?' wondered Sasuke in pained bewilderment. 'Those barrettes were instruments of torture.'

"There," Ino announced in a satisfied voice. "All done. For the finishing touch, all we need to do is put on some lip-gloss—we can't really have lipstick on: it's against school rules. And if Temari-senpai saw us with any on, she'd wipe the floor with us."

Forget the bloody floor. His face! He had to wipe his face. It didn't matter what he wiped it with; at this moment, wiping his face in the dirt seemed like a good idea.

Sakura chose that moment to return from wherever it was she had gone to in the first place, after fixing Sasuke's hair. She gave an excited squeal when she saw Sasuke.

"Well?" Ino asked slightly breathless. "What'd you think?"

"She's so _pretty!"_ Sakura exclaimed clapping her hands. Grabbing his arm, she dragged him towards the bathroom mirror. "Take a look Satsuki-san. C'mon."

Sasuke looked at the mirror… and almost fainted. Because that wasn't his face he saw in the mirror; it was _her_ face. Staring back at him was the very pretty, and very _girly_ Uchiha Satsuki.

* * *

By the middle of the day, Sasuke was feeling suicidal. He'd had about enough of people complimenting him on how _kawaii_ and _kirei_ they found him. All he wanted was to hurl himself down some cliff and die. Just die.

Yeah. Dying seemed like a pretty good idea. Sure: _after_ killing Itachi. Mustn't forget that. No way. If he had to suffer, then his brother would suffer right along with him, by God!

It didn't help Itachi's fate any, that almost all the girls who talked to him kept asking after Itachi's taste in women. He had an overwhelming urge to just snap at them: "Rare; medium; well done; he doesn't have any specific preference."

As for _his_ preferences: he really wasn't very picky. Everybody: just scram. Get lost. Shoo! 'They must all lead pretty useless lives,' Sasuke thought nastily. Charitable thoughts were beyond him at the moment, but oddly enough, he wasn't as annoyed with Sakura and Ino. He wasn't given leave to ponder that train of thought: his day was just going to get worse.

There was really nothing worse than to be confronted by the self-proclaimed president of the Uchiha Itachi Fan Club: Watanabi Ami.

"Yamanaka-san, Haruno-san," Ami greeted snootily, as she and her two friends confronted the trio during lunch break, "I see you're sucking up to Uchiha-san, who is the beloved sister of the divine Uchiha Itachi-sama. Are you two hoping that, perhaps, if you befriend her enough, she'll hook you up with her brother for a date?"

"Nasty as always, aren't we, Watanabi-san?" Ino taunted. "No wonder you got kicked out of finishing school."

Ami stiffened and glared with abject loathing at Ino. "You're parents' finishing school isn't even worth the ground it takes to step on," she hissed.

"What was that?" Ino snapped, her blue-green eyes flashing with fury.

"Ino-san, don't," Sakura warned, placing a restraining hand on her friend's arm. She had first hand experience on how nasty Ami could get, and though Ino could handle her fairly well; she only seemed to get nastier with every encounter.

Satisfied that she had managed to rile Ino, Ami turned her attention to Sasuke.

"Uchiha-san," she said pleasantly. "If you hang out with _these_ people, it'll destroy you. You can do _much_ better for your friends: as in, present company?"

"What the hell are you saying?" Sasuke asked coldly. "Try and talk with straight English, why don't you."

Taken aback, Ami attempted to placate him, "I'm inviting you to hang out with us. We're _way_ more fun than Haruno and Yamanaka—"

"Why don't you just shut up, bitch? You're giving me a headache," Sasuke cut in.

The people who had overheard this altercation gasped in unison.

"What the hell are you people supposed to be anyway: The Uchiha Itachi Fan Club?" he asked sarcastically. At the visible flush present in the faces of Ami and her friends, Sasuke smiled cynically. "Let me give you girls a little lesson in Psych 101 regarding 'fan girls': they're the kind of people who don't have any self-confidence. They know they have no chance to get the dominant alpha male—in this case, my 'dear' brother Itachi—so they form themselves a little group of gutless females exactly like themselves to make sure that nobody else gets the guy, because they wouldn't be able to land him themselves, even if they dangled the worm right in front of his face. What's really sad is, you're fooling nobody but yourselves; fan girls who form clubs for anime bishonen, have the excuse that their 'idol' is a make-believe character, but you guys—have absolutely _no excuse whatsoever,_ yet you want other people to _think_ you do. You're so desperate to hide your own weakness, you have to put down others so you can step on them to make sure you're the ones looking down. Pathetic!"

Ami floundered for a bit at that cutting diatribe, but Sasuke wasn't finished: "I wouldn't hang out with a snake like you even if I were starving for that apple. And please don't talk to me or even let me hear your voice anywhere where I'm in the vicinity: every time you speak all I can hear is a rattle."

As those hanging on to this scene did another louder gasp in unison, Temari stepped into the fray.

"What's going on here?" she asked sternly.

"Watanabi-san just insulted Yamanaka-san's family," Sasuke explained promptly, his voice as smooth as cool refreshing ice. "But she was about to apologize, weren't you, Watanabi-san?"

Temari's gaze slid towards Ami and her friends, her golden brows rising expectantly.

Utterly humiliated and speechless, Ami felt her face turning red, but with the R.A.'s gimlet stare, she couldn't do anything to salvage the situation. Lying wouldn't do her any good. She was so intimidated by Satsuki, that she wouldn't be able to think of any good excuse.

"I— I'm sorry, Ino-san," Ami stammered. "For— for the things I—said just now."

"Of course," Ino acknowledged the apology in a polite tone—no more, no less.

"Good," Temari said firmly. "Now that that's settled, I'd prefer it if you girls don't stay anywhere near each other right now. It's distracting to the other students."

Ami immediately walked off with her friends scurrying behind her, without even bothering to say a word of greeting to the R.A.

Temari snorted and rolled her eyes. "Typical," she muttered under her breath. With a nod towards them, she too, walked away.

Sakura and Ino both stared at Sasuke in admiration and awe. No one had ever effectively dashed Ami to the ground before. Way cool. Super impressive.

Irritated and annoyed by the encounter with Watanabi, even though he wasn't the one left bloody by their verbal battle, Sasuke excused himself as well and stalked off to the bathroom.

* * *

_Splash!_

Sasuke gave a tiny sigh as he turned off the faucet in the bathroom sink and glanced at his _makeup free_ dripping wet face in the mirror. Unfortunately, it still wasn't enough to completely remove the mascara on his lashes, which made him look more like a girl than he would like, but made him blend in more. He wanted to pull out the barrettes as well, but…

He heaved another sigh—

"That was quite a putdown you gave Watanabi-san," came an amused remark from behind him.

He whipped around; scattering water droplets from his face as he did so—and found himself face to face with a confident girl with long dark brown hair down to the middle of her back with a single braid dangling from either side of her face, and friendly dark brown eyes.

"Not that she didn't deserve it," the girl continued walking towards the mirror to check her hair, "She's been making life hell for the other girls in her year as well as their other kohai since middle school. There's a viper where her tongue should be. It'll do her good to have it skinned once in a while," she finished shrugging.

Sasuke stared at her noncommittally.

The girl merely smiled back, not the least bit bothered with Sasuke's lack of conversational participation. She walked towards the bathroom door, and suddenly tossed something in Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke caught it reflexively, and glanced at it—

"I think you'll be more comfortable in that," the girl said matter-of-factly. "The barrettes look nice, but I think sweatbands are more your look. It's white: to match our uniforms." She paused for a bit, then added philosophically, "You should be yourself as much as you're able. That way, people get more used to who you are more easily. And if they don't like it: tough. Well" —she waved a graceful hand— "see you around Uchiha-san!"

Sasuke glanced at her retreating figure in bemusement.

"What the hell was that?" he asked out loud.

If he was completely sane, he would rip this pristine white and pink uniform off his body right this minute, and hightail it out of this place—naked if necessary. But then again, if he _was_ completely sane, he would've told his brother to get a therapist, get a life, or get laid—not necessarily in that order—and he wouldn't have bothered taking up Itachi's stupid challenge in the first place!

He honestly couldn't say that he'd totally accepted going to an all-girls school, but she had a point. If he was gonna take on Itachi, he wasn't gonna kill himself over it: Itachi would have too much fun laughing at his funeral—he could just see his brother rehashing all the embarrassing moments of his childhood for the supposed mourners, starting from the moment he messed his first diaper—and everybody would just forget they were supposed to be sad that he was dead, and just have a grand old time assuring his parents that he had "gone on to a better place". Yeah, right. Well, he wasn't going to give Itachi the satisfaction of knowing how uptight his little wager had made him. He was going to loosen up a bit.

Facing the mirror, he made a sudden decision; he pulled out the barrettes that Sakura had put in his hair and replaced it with the white wool sweatband. 'Perfect,' Sasuke thought with satisfaction, 'and it looks good, too.' Now as long as he didn't look further down (he was wearing a skirt after all), he felt almost normal—almost.

* * *

The girl walked out of the bathroom and was making her way down a hallway when a someone called out to her.

"Tenten-san," Hyuuga Hinata said, smiling tentatively at her. "Okairinasai. Um— How is Neji-niisan?"

A/N: Reviewer RoMaNTiCiLLuSioNS made some excellent comments, which I would like to address for general understanding: Even if a guy dresses up as a girl, people generally see what they expect to see: so they don't question too closely. About the voice: the Japanese voice can generally pass for husky if slightly masculine (I mean, who cares!), and people who generally have a crush on someone don't really care about their private lives, unless it had something that would advance their chances to get closer to him, and that generally isn't the case. From my experience, it doesn't help to know the guy's parents/relatives, unless it's from a personal standpoint—obsessive research notwithstanding (it really doesn't matter!). It probably would've made more sense if Sasuke was a cousin, but it's more fun if he's a lil' sis! Ne?


	4. Recent Arrivals

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm glad you all liked the previous chapter. I didn't plan on putting in Neji and Itachi too soon, but by special request (certain hints), I've decided to up their appearance by a few chapters. Hope you like this chappie (my beta reader said is was _just_ OK—can you believe the audacity?) as well…

CHAPTER 4: RECENT ARRIVALS

"Tenten-san," Hyuuga Hinata said, smiling tentatively at her. "Okairinasai. Um— How is Neji-niisan?"

Leung Ten-Ten grinned back at her. "He's doing fine, and so is Lee. They're probably already back in their own school by now," she added waving a negligent hand.

"That's good to hear," Hinata remarked in her soft voice. "Um— How was the tournament, Tenten-san?"

Ten-Ten's grin grew wider. "We won!" she exulted. "Isn't that great? Neji is still interested in fighting against Subaku Gaara-san, and you know Lee, whatever Neji does, he wants to prove he can do just as well, perhaps better. He actually wants to fight both Subaku Gaara-san _and_ Subaku Kankuro-san." She heaved a long-suffering sigh. "As for me, I have no interest in having a match against Temari-senpai. Being declared a winner for this year's martial arts tournament is enough for me. Now, if she had joined again this year with her brothers, that would've been interesting."

"Tenten-san," another voice greeted. Both Ten-Ten and Hinata turned towards the familiar voice. "It's good to see you again," continued Hyuuga Hanabi. "Father told me that you had won. Omedeto gosaimasu."

"Ah, arigato, Hanabi-san," Ten-Ten said politely, though a tad formally. Though Ten-Ten felt comfortable around Neji's older younger cousin, Hinata, she wasn't on very open terms with her younger sister, Hanabi. 'She should've been the older sister,' Ten-Ten thought ruefully. 'It would've been easier on all of us.' "Hizashi-shishou said that we could have a break for a few weeks after the tournament, though," she mused, "I don't think Neji and Lee will do much relaxing. Ah, how is Hiyashi-shishou doing?"

"Father is just fine," Hanabi answered serenely. "He said he was very proud of you all."

Ten-Ten gave an embarrassed laugh.

"Although, Father thought it was a pity that the Subaku Three didn't join in this year's tournament," Hanabi added as an afterthought. "If I'm not mistaken, they were the champions two years ago, am I right?"

Ten-Ten nodded.

"I wonder why they didn't join again this year," Hinata murmured.

"I have no idea," Hanabi answered. "Perhaps you should ask Temari-senpai about it, Tenten-san."

"Hey, hey," Ten-Ten cautioned. "I just got back. I don't want any more excitement than the one I witnessed in the cafeteria."

"In the cafeteria?" Hanabi asked curiously.

"Y-You saw that?" Hinata asked at the same time.

"That was really something," Ten-Ten remarked, shaking her head in remembered amazement.

"What was?" Hanabi asked avidly.

"Uchiha-san," Ten-Ten answered promptly.

"Why? What happened?" Hanabi nagged.

"It was Watanabi-san," Hinata answered in a hushed voice.

"And who did her tongue skewer this time?" Hanabi asked coldly. Though she personally hadn't suffered any pointed barbs in her direction—either directly or indirectly—she had detested the vain witch's overbearing personality.

"Well, she was after Yamanaka-san," Ten-Ten continued. "But then, Ino's usually adept at parrying her verbal thrusts. Watanabi-san must've applied a whetstone on her tongue during break, though, she was out for blood."

"So, Yamanaka-san bled to death, figuratively?" Hanabi asked speculatively.

"Nope," Ten-Ten answered smugly. "Uchiha-san took a hatchet to her."

Hanabi raised her brows in disbelief.

Ten-Ten nodded affirmatively.

"Um, Tenten-san," Hinata wedged in, a curious note in her voice, "You just got back today. How do you know Uchiha-san?"

"I've seen Uchiha Itachi last year when we had our annual dance," Ten-Ten shrugged dismissively. "She looked like him."

"Everybody was really surprised when Kurenai-sensei called out her name in the first day of class," Hinata added.

"Yeah, I was kinda surprised, too," was Ten-Ten's reply. "Itachi-senpai doesn't usually talk about himself. Even those guys who hang out with him don't know much than the general populace does."

"Well, we certainly have enough excitement here at Saint Blossom to last us the year," Hanabi remarked.

Ten-Ten laughed. "Wait 'til I tell Neji and Lee."

* * *

"Ah," Rock Lee breathed, as he and his friend, Hyuuga Neji walked along the corridors of Konoha High School for Boys on the way to class. "It is certainly good to be back."

"I would prefer to be training myself," Neji remarked idly. "There doesn't seem to be much of a point in going to class."

"How can you say such a thing?" Lee asked scandalized. "Do you not know that classes are a form of mental training? It is important to maintain a balance between physical and mental strength."

Neji rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Not the way the Headmaster runs this school, it isn't," he snorted. "It's a miracle this whole school hasn't already crashed down on our heads."

"It is not the Headmaster's fault," Lee argued. "As he was on an important rejuvenating sabbatical in order to improve his leadership skills—"

"He's _always_ on sabbatical," Neji interrupted with cool sarcasm, "and his leadership skills are a joke. He can't even delegate properly. He's never around do tend to his responsibilities, and the Deputy Headmaster is no better."

"Truly, Neji," Lee remarked with his usual optimistic candor. "The Headmaster is a most talented individual. Even if I have not personally read any of his books—"

"I wouldn't call the making of lurid pornographic reading material in any way a trait that could be decently called talent," Neji said in a voice of cool irony.

"You have certainly made up your mind on this," Lee remarked, giving up on defending their erstwhile school head to his cynical best friend. "Regardless, the Deputy Headmaster has not done half so bad with the running of the school."

"Oh?" was Neji's casual question, which was totally belied by the satiric lift of his brow.

"I'll admit," Lee began a tad defensively, "that the selection process is a bid odd, but it had served the school well."

"Really?" Neji said with wry sarcasm.

"Indeed," Lee concurred, pleased that Neji was quite restraining himself from any more pointed barbs. "Hatake Kakashi-sensei has done a fine job of accomplishing the Headmaster's duties for the past year."

"And, pray tell: what about _this_ year?" Neji asked, a hint of frustration in his voice. Before Lee could reply, he added, "We just got lucky. We could've had someone much more unsuitable in the position."

"Indeed," came an amused, and familiar voice.

Neji and Lee turned towards Uchiha Itachi as he lounged languidly by his locker, casually holding his schoolbooks with one hand near his head.

"Ah, Uchiha-senpai," Lee greeted in his cheerful and ever polite voice (he couldn't be rude even if he tried).

"Itachi, please," Itachi protested dismissively waving his other hand. "There's no need to be so formal."

"Please excuse the formality, Itachi-senpai," Neji replied, conceding with the upperclassman's wishes. "You seem to be the type that must always be addressed with great formality."

Itachi gave a husky laugh. "Really, Neji-san. That's how I always feel about _you."_

Neji inclined his head at that oblique compliment. Itachi never gave compliments, and he considered few to be his equals.

"That aside," Itachi said blandly. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. _I_ find that this school is extremely top-notch myself."

"You are entitled to your own opinion, senpai," Neji said with cool deliberation. "Personally, I find it extremely disturbing to have my entire school future decided by throwing darts."

"I think it is quite amusing," Itachi replied drolly. "Something different for every year. Completely unexpected: keeps us on the edge of our seats so to speak."

"I'd rather not fall over from leaning over too much," Neji replied acidly.

Itachi gave a bark of laughter. "You really are amusing Neji-san," he gasped.

"I'm glad I humor you, senpai," Neji interjected in clipped tones.

Before Neji could make another freezing retort, Lee remarked idly, "I do wonder who our new Deputy Headmaster is going to be…"

"Maito Gai," Itachi replied promptly.

This announcement caused Lee to go into raptures of ecstasy. He had always idolized Gai-sensei, and was extremely glad that he would be in charge of Konoha High for this year.

Neji's reaction was more reserved. He had a good dose of respect for Maito Gai—he just felt that he had a screw loose sometimes. Not unlike their esteemed senpai right here—around him, Neji just wanted to run and throw a needle at him for every step that took him farther away from the man.

"You're very informed, senpai," Neji remarked calmly.

"Quite," Itachi replied carelessly, then added as an afterthought, "Oh, that's right. We have a new R.A."

"We do?" both Neji and Lee asked in surprised unison.

"Subaku Kankuro decided to resign his position," Itachi informed them. "He wants to concentrate on his academics more—I don't know why, since his grades are stable, though not as exceptional as mine." Neji and Lee stared at Itachi with perceptible impassiveness, with Lee thinking a polite: 'Right; of course,' and Neji an analytical: 'Man, this guy has _some_ ego,' as Itachi continued with, "It would've been perfectly fine; if the administration didn't hit into a _slight_ snag."

"What snag?" Lee asked curiously.

"They forgot to post the applications for new candidates," Itachi said matter-of-factly—like having an R.A. that didn't apply for the position was a normal occurrence.

"And how, may I inquire," Neji asked blandly, "do we find ourselves with a new R.A. if nobody has applied for the position?"

"Oh, quite creatively, I do assure you," Itachi said nonchalantly, an unholy gleam of amusement in his eyes.

"Is it the same as the Deputy Headmaster selections?" Lee asked exuberantly.

"It _could_ have been," Itachi replied vaguely, "but it would've been an impediment to the number of candidates that would be chosen from the selection."

"What selection?" Neji asked in a low tone, his eyes narrowed.

Itachi tapped his fingertip on his chin as he answered, "I believe it was a chance-reliant thing…"

"What chance-reliant thing?" Neji asked, his eyes narrowing further. He had a bad feeling about this…

"Ah, yes," Itachi drawled, a smirk playing across the corner of his mouth, "I believe they used the draw lots method."

"Excuse me?" Neji sputtered, as Lee's eyes bugged out in disbelief. "The _what_ exactly?"

"They picked out names of high-marking students in random and placed them in a nice hat," Itachi replied, "and then, of course, they shook the hat—quite thoroughly, I believe, we can't have such a brass selection, now can we?—after which, they pulled out the name of our new esteemed R.A. Of course, I wasn't there myself, but well" —Itachi shrugged— "one hears about it."

Both Neji and Lee looked at him in stupefaction.

"Are they insane?" Neji asked in astonishment. "Who in their right mind would even conceive of such a thing? It's worse than having your school deputy headmaster chosen from a dartboard."

"I _might_ have suggested something like it," Itachi remarked casually, "but I didn't believe anybody would take it seriously, after all. Although it does have a titillating ring to it, don't you agree? Gai-sensei was quite game about it."

Neji looked at Itachi as if he had his head blown off right there—and he had just been convinced that yes: Gai-sensei really had a screw loose, which must've popped right out of his head—stranger things had happened.

"If Gai-sensei has sanctioned it, then it's a certainty that we shall have an exceptional R.A.," Lee said determinedly.

Neji's brain seemed to have gone numb with shock. This school was totally insane—he really shouldn't stay another day. Really.

Itachi tsked. "Well, what's done is done, anyhow. For better or for worse, we can only make the best of it. It's quite interesting, though. Such _creativity,_ such tantalizing possibilities," he trailed off, and then, "I better take myself off then." With that parting shot, Itachi glided away from them.

Neji shook his head slightly. He was getting a headache.

"Quite astonishing," Lee remarked. "It does put things into question."

"I question his sanity," Neji muttered.

"Eh?" Lee asked. "Neji, you seem to hold Itachi-senpai on some level of contempt. Why is that?"

"That man has a morbid sense of humor," Neji replied succinctly. "I believe he'll do anything for his own amusement, regardless of the consequences."

Lee shrugged. "It is hard to say: Itachi-senpai is not an easy person to know."

"I wish _I_ knew less about him than I already seem to do," Neji said darkly.

* * *

"Now then," Sarutobi Asuma began. "Here's a general outline of your duties as R.A." He absently scratched his cheek as he handed some papers over to the new R.A. "Normally, it's unheard of for a freshman to be considered for this position, but well, circumstances being what they are…" he trailed off doubtfully.

"Whatever," Nara Shikamaru said in irritation. "This is just gonna be a pain in my ass. Why the heck did the Deputy Headmaster have to pull my name out of the stupid hat in the first place?"

A/A: I'd like to thank all the reviewers of the previous chapters. Check your e-mails for the replies. To hells.replay: thanks for the review; to Katherine: you seemed to have some reservations on Sasuke, but thanks for the review anyway; to Lightning­hime: thanks for the encouragement; to Anonymous One: a great compliment for any author, and I'm glad it's for me; Uber Naruto otaku: I'm glad you _loved_ the fic, and I'm glad you're inspired, thanks for the faith in me as a writer -blows a kiss-; and to kaiyo: it's a white uniform, and a white skirt, but—yes, it is difficult to imagine… kind of…

A/N: There were a couple of reviews that I think I should post my replies to them for the audience in general. From reviewer Chixon: Erm, (why are people so keen to see Neji in drag) well... there's gonna be somebody else cross dressing in this fic (you can take a guess, be my guest), and well, the barrettes were an inspired touch... From reviewer animeloverj: Glad you liked the chapter and Sasuke's point about fanclubs is my own humble opinion. The thing about the "rattle" was something I've taken from Judith McNaught's "Whitney, My Love" (it was just so cute...), and I'm glad you think they're all in character. -blows kisses- For you: I added Itachi. He really wasn't supposed to appear yet, but well...


	5. First Meet, First Kiss

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: It seemed some readers had some reservations about the previous chapter, and thanks for your reviews regardless. -bows- I hope you all feel more receptive about this particular chapter…

CHAPTER 5: FIRST MEET; FIRST KISS

Uzumaki Naruto was supposed to be in school by now. And he would've been—except he wasn't registered yet. That's what happens, when the correct month of the calendar gets so obscured you think it's still March, when it's actually already April.

How could anyone be so stupid?

How, indeed…

Naruto lived with his adoptive father, Umuino Iruka, who was an elementary school teacher. And teachers normally knew when the start of the school year was—if they didn't, they'd be out of the job. Problem was, Iruka went away on a one-month teacher's symposium, which meant Naruto was left all alone to fend for himself. Nothing to worry about: he was a big boy, after all.

He seriously should have hired a babysitter.

Naruto only realized he was _way_ late for registration, when Iruka called to ask him how was his first week at school. One can just imagine the apoplectic fit Iruka-san endured when Naruto's stupidity permeated down the phone line. He then told his adoptive son, in no uncertain terms, that if he didn't get it together, when he arrived, he would do something Naruto would surely regret.

Needless to say, the threat had substance. Off Naruto went to register at Konoha High School for Boys. OK, so everything was going well now, right?

Wrong!

Never underestimate the power of bad luck. In other words, never underestimate the number of scrapes a person can get into when he's already on a roll. Destination: Konoha High. Directions: what directions? Obviously, there is absolutely no way someone like Naruto can get there the easy way. Nope: he's gotta get lost first. What a pain! Or not…

When people get lost, it's either they encounter absolutely nothing, or undoubtedly something. In this case, it seems to be undoubtedly something… In spades…

* * *

She was going to be late.

Hinata ran towards the direction of Saint Blossom Academy on a beautiful Monday morning, as fast as her trained legs could carry her. She had visited her family during the weekend, and everything went pretty well, especially since Hanabi had certain club duties she couldn't excuse herself from and couldn't accompany her—which was precisely why she chose to visit that weekend.

She was glad her uncle and cousin were there as well, even if they didn't stay very long. Neji had insisted that he needed more training, which amused Hizashi oji-san, and impressed oto-san. "He's just like Hanabi," was her father's remark. It was all Hinata could do not to flinch and just run away with embarrassment. Having a family of overachievers, not just in martial arts, but also in almost every other area involving skill and academics, was—difficult. Even more so if you didn't live to everyone's expectations.

She had trained herself relentlessly the night before, which caused her to oversleep and would ultimately make her late if she didn't hustle up. Hinata increased her speed and hurtled forward along the downhill path towards the Academy.

In fact, she was going so fast, she couldn't stop herself from colliding with the person she saw walking casually a few feet from her. Not to worry, the "rock" will save the day: meaning, she tripped on a sizable stone and went flying forward.

Naruto heard a high scream growing louder by the second. He turned his head towards the sound—and before he could even say "Whoa!"—was knocked backwards onto the ground by a petite female form.

Naruto blinked rapidly to clear the stars he was suddenly seeing. It was quite a collision—he felt as if his teeth had been knocked clear into his brain. Not that it would be a totally bad thing; that is, if it helped knock some sense into it—a sense of direction, specifically.

Hinata pushed herself up, and was horrified to find herself cushioned full length on _somebody,_ with her hands using _it_ as leverage. She gasped, her delicate face turning pale. "A-Are you alright?" she whispered, terrified that she had inflicted lasting damage.

Naruto focused his gaze towards the face that was blocking out the light from his face. "I'm in pain," he answered. "That means I'm alive; that means I'm alright, I guess."

"I-I'm— I'm so sorry," Hinata whispered tearfully.

"Hey!" Naruto exclaimed alarmed. "No crying. It'll hurt me much more than it'll hurt you."

Hinata swallowed her tears and flashed him a tentative smile. He was _so_ sweet.

"Um," Naruto began, "Now that we got the apologies out of the way, could—I get up now?"

"Oh," Hinata gasped, her face flushing crimson. She quickly jumped up off him and watched him pick himself up off the ground.

Naruto dusted himself and remarked, "That was some fall you had."

"Um— Yes!" Hinata concurred quickly.

"By the way, I'm Naruto," he said holding out his hand.

"Hi-Hinata," she answered tongue-tied.

"Nice to meet you, Hinata-chan," Naruto said grinning. "You must've been in a hurry for something."

Hinata gasped in shock. Class! She was going to be late!

"I'm sorry!" she called out, her voice unusually high, as she sped towards school, the ringing bell already signaling the start of classes.

Naruto stared after her departing figure with bemusement. "I guess she's still in a hurry." He turned to continue his walk, when he remembered: he didn't know which way to go! "Ah, crap!" he exclaimed. "I should've asked her for directions when I had the chance."

* * *

_Kiin— Koon— Kaan—_

Sasuke gave a sigh of relief as he plucked his backpack off the floor. Finally. Another day done. He couldn't wait to get back to the dorm. The whole week wasn't an all-out disaster, but it was damn close. Whoever said that all-girls schools were uneventful because there were no boys, clearly didn't know any better.

Monday: First day at an all-girls school. (He's a guy for God's sake: a guy!)

Tuesday: Makeover (What a nightmare!). Encounter with the snooty self-proclaimed president of the Uchiha Itachi Fan Club (What a worse nightmare!). Encounter with a weird girl in the bathroom (Plain weird…). After school address by Saint Blossom Academy's blond and busty Headmistress: Hokage Tsunade (She sure is forceful…).

Wednesday: Official start of classes. (Friggin' disaster.) Start of Math class: pop quiz—on fourth year level mathematics. (Is she crazy? They're only in first year for cryin' out loud!) Kitsuneko Peitsuru-sensei kept on telling them to quit cheating and to stop talking—only problem is: nobody's writing nothing (except Sakura) and nobody's talking—except her scolding them. (Total lunatic: that is one crazy Math teacher—all those numbers must've gone to her head…)

Thursday: Ordinary day, except during P.E. when Sakura's forehead gets a bull's-eye smash hit from a baseball pitch, and he and Ino have to take her to the school clinic. (Good thing, Nurse Kurosawa Shizune is competent: Sakura'll be OK by the way.)

Friday: Music class before lunch. (Going deaf would've been preferable…) Mitarashi Anko-sensei was an excellent music teacher—as long as she didn't play _anything._ The woman was bloody tone deaf. Obviously, the Headmistress didn't ask for a demo performance when she was interviewed, otherwise, there was absolutely no way in the name of all sounds musical that she would've been hired at all: unless Tsunade was wearing earplugs. Last lesson was on English literature. (Thank God, Kitsuneko Ruru-sensei was lazy today…! He wouldn't be able to concentrate: seemed his brain was shattered along with his eardrums from Anko-sensei's violin playing.)

Saturday and Sunday: It's the weekend (What else is there to say?).

Monday: Homeroom and history with Kurenai-sensei. Math class with the insane asylum escapee: Peitsuru-sensei. Music class with tone deaf Anko-sensei. Lunch. English and English literature with Ruru-sensei.

'And this is only the second Monday of the first year,' Sasuke groaned inwardly. He trudged towards the direction of the dorms, but then halfway there, he changed his mind. The last thing he needed right now was to lock himself in that hellhole with his loud-mouthed roommate (she wasn't _that_ bad, but she wasn't so good, either).

* * *

"Ugh!" Sakura groaned, as she took a big gulp of lemon-lime soda. "That was the most horrible music class I've ever been in my life."

Ino nodded weakly. "I feel as if my ears have gone numb."

"How the hell could they keep on such an incompetent teacher on staff?" Sakura growled, tightening her grip on her soda can.

"Hell if I know," Ino grouched. "How often do we have her again?"

"Every Monday and Friday before lunch," Sakura answered gloomily.

Ino and Sakura groaned in unison.

"That's it!" Sakura announced, after drinking the last of her soda. "I'm going for a walk, wanna come?"

"I'll catch up with you," Ino assured her, waving her away.

Sakura shrugged and went for her walk.

* * *

"Hinata-neesan!" Hanabi called impatiently. "Are you listening to me?"

Hinata snapped out of her reverie and stared at her younger sister. "Gomen ne, Hanabi-chan. Nani?"

Hanabi looked critically at her older sister. "You don't look well. Did something happen?"

Remembering the incident this morning made Hinata blush, which of course, Hanabi would notice.

"Are you getting sick?" Hanabi asked her eyes narrowed.

"Uh, no, of-of course not," Hinata stammered, "I— I'm going for a walk." Turning on her heel, Hinata walked away from her younger sister's piercing pearl-like orbs as they stared at her retreating back.

* * *

He was still lost.

Naruto still had no clue where he was, or how to get to Konoha High for registration. It seemed that he had been wandering around the same area and going in creative circles for the past eight hours—and his rumbling stomach didn't help matters any.

He finally plopped down on the ground with a sigh. 'Iruka-tochan is gonna kill me,' he thought gloomily, as his stomach did another rumble for good measure. He heaved another sigh, just as a familiar head became visible from atop the hedges.

Naruto's bright blue eyes brightened with recognition. His luck was about to do a 180-degree turn.

"Oi, Sasuke!" he called loudly.

* * *

Sasuke's head whipped towards the familiar voice. His jaw dropped when his eyes fell on his childhood best friend, Uzumaki Naruto. Mixed emotions assailed Sasuke, but he was too glad to see his friend again to completely process everything. There was a nagging thought prevalent at the back of his mind—but if it was important: he'd remember it eventually, right?

"Naruto!" he called out, pleasure in his voice. "How's my ramen-loving, direction-retarded friend doing?"

"Man, Sasuke," Naruto began, clearly going for on a roll, "You wouldn't believe the lousy luck I had today…"

"Just today?" Sasuke teased.

"Hey!" Naruto exclaimed. "Show some sympathy here. I mean—"

Sasuke grinned as Naruto went on and on about everything that went wrong that day. They were both so intent on their conversation that they both didn't notice the equally intent observer watching them converse in between the hedge…

* * *

Though, Naruto's exuberant shout was meant for Sasuke's ears only, Sasuke wasn't the only one whose attention was drawn by it.

Hinata had recognized the boy who she had bumped into that morning, who had been increasingly prevalent in her thoughts the entire day, and would've plucked up the courage to talk to him, if she hadn't recognized her classmate, Uchiha Satsuki, talking to him.

Hiding herself behind a huge maple tree, Hinata unobtrusively observed their animated conversation. She couldn't hear a thing, but they did seem to be enjoying themselves…

* * *

Sasuke laughed as Naruto continued his convoluted recitation. It was amazing how much trouble his friend could get into without trying—sometimes it even seemed like he went out of his way to _invite_ trouble over for a visit.

"Lord, Naruto," Sasuke gasped. "You're such an idiot. How could you possibly mistake April for March."

"Well, obviously because I didn't see the 'April' anywhere in the calendar," Naruto snapped impatiently. "Man, why do I need to go to school anyway?" Naruto complained, placing his arms on the back of his head. "It's not like it's gonna help me any."

"You never know," Sasuke drawled out. "You might just get a brain."

"Hey, just because you're already in school, doesn't mean you can go mouthing off on me, Sasuke," Naruto said, shaking a fist in Sasuke's direction. His friend's smirking face was starting to drive him up the wall—or in this case, over the hedge. "Why the hell am I talking to you over here anyway?"

Naruto moved to go over the hedge, which made Sasuke remember precisely why having this chance meeting with his friend wasn't advisable. "Naruto, wait!" Sasuke began holding his hands out. "Don't—"

Too late: Naruto was over the hedge (with a lot of leaves stuck in him). "That's better. Now we can—" Naruto stared at his friend; Sasuke stared right back. Naruto stared some more. Finally, "Uh, Sasuke, I must've hit my head somewhere this morning, 'coz I must be seeing things. I mean, what other possible explanation could be with me seeing you in a skirt, right?"

'Oh, God,' Sasuke groaned inwardly. 'This is bad.'

Sasuke shouldn't have wasted time feeling sorry for himself: after all, never underestimate the power of bad luck. No matter how bad things already are, they can always get _a lot_ worse—

"Satsuki-san," Sakura called out, as she ran towards them. "I didn't expect to see you here." She glanced curiously at Naruto and Naruto looked as curiously back at her.

'Let the ground open and swallow me up—right now!' Sasuke's mind screamed in burgeoning panic.

Sakura's arrival had momentarily distracted Naruto from Sasuke's current fashion statement, but Sasuke's rigid silence turned his attention back to what Naruto "thought" he was seeing…

"I don't get this," Naruto mumbled in confusion. "Why the heck are you wearing a girls uniform? Is this some kinda quirk of yours you've been hiding from me?"

"Huh?" Sakura asked in confusion.

"Look Naruto," Sasuke began in an attempt to diffuse the potentially explosive situation—which was a futile effort on his part: there's no point in stopping a bomb when the countdown has already reached zero. "Why don't you go home, and I'll just call you later, alright?"

"What?" Naruto asked, his eyes narrowed, "Are you trying to get rid of me, Sasuke?"

" 'Sasuke'?" Sakura asked, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Satsuki-san, what in the world is going on?"

Sasuke went numb all over—it _was_ all over. Might as well just pull the trigger himself before that bomb goes off; at least, there'd be something left in him to bury—he did want the ground to swallow him up, right? Best get it done right. In a split second he made his decision. Turning to Sakura, he stated, "That's Naruto's pet name for me."

"Say what?" Naruto asked in shock, just as Sakura's eyes widened and she uttered an awed, "Oh?"

"Yes," Sasuke confirmed—he was really hammering the nails down on his coffin right and tight—yeah!

"Erm, I see," Sakura trailed off, glancing avidly from Sasuke to Naruto and back again. "That's, um, really sweet…"

"Sweet?" Naruto yelled—he really didn't have a clue what was going on, but he was about to lose it with that one. "Lady, I'll have you know—"

"That's right," Sasuke cut in—he was shoveling really hard right about now, "He's really sweet." He gave a sickly sweet smile at Sakura as he added limpidly, "That's just how people are when they've been going out since they were kids and they haven't seen each other for awhile."

"What the hell?" Naruto yelled, as Sakura gave a mistakenly understanding nod, "I see."

Naruto then turned his wrath on Sasuke. "You won't be seeing _anything_ if you don't tell me _what the hell_ is going—"

"He's actually my ex-boyfriend," Sasuke added, continuing his conversation with Sakura—gotta dig a lot deeper; can't have himself a grave that's too shallow, now can he? "But still—we're friends, you know."

"Look Sasuke," Naruto said bristling, "I don't know what kind of practical joke you're trying to pull, but for God's sake, try acting like a normal ma—"

Naruto never got to finish that sentence… Not when Sasuke pulled him up close and personal, and—kissed him. It's still the best way to shut someone up, right?

Yep. Worked like a charm: Naruto fainted dead away; Sakura's eyes were as round as saucers; Hinata thought her heart would jump out from where it was lodged in her throat; and Ino couldn't quite believe what she was seeing from far away.

And Sasuke?

It seemed he was more like Itachi than he thought. He would never have instigated this morbid farce if he weren't. Difference was: he didn't find the situation the least damn bit funny. He was never _ever_ gonna live this down. Good thing he didn't have to… He'd just slit his own throat—figuratively. Time to jump into that nice hole in the ground he'd been digging with his shovel…

A/N: Just something to think about: which pairings would you like to see in this fic? Since I haven't stated anything (I might have implied), we can maybe work it in, though I can't promise anything will be incorporated for sure…


	6. A Shocking Announcement

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: So glad you all seemed to like chapter 5. I am inspired by your votes of confidence -dabs at her teary eyes-. Anyway, thanks to all the reviewers, and as usual, there are replies to your e-mails for the signed reviewers and at the bottom of this chapter for the anonymous reviewers. And now for chapter 6…

CHAPTER 6: A SURPRISING EVENT AND A SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT

It took one day for the news of Uchiha "Satsuki's" _ex-_boyfriend to travel through Saint Blossom Academy and beyond—the beyond being Konoha High School. It took a month before something else was interesting enough to divert their collective minds from it—it was really too bad that he had to be in both of them.

Needless to say, the visit he had a few days after "that incident", which was how Sasuke had taken to referring to "the something-unmentionable" involving Naruto (who was incidentally, not speaking to Sasuke without shooting killer looks in his direction—what blackmail Sasuke used to keep his mouth shut, we don't know), from Itachi was not something he'd care to repeat—ever after and forever…

"_A boyfriend, _Satsuki_-chan?" Itachi purred silkily. "What _have_ you been hiding from me?"_

_The last thing Sasuke wanted in his life was to have a conversation with his demented brother. The second to the last thing he wanted, was to have his "love life" as a topic—especially since _there wasn't any!

"_Truly, my dearest," Itachi continued in a contrived tone, which nevertheless had sent many a female into heart palpitations, fainting, and raptures of ecstasy (Itachi really was a disease of the worst kind: lovesickness.), "You should know that you can trust me above all things. I would _never_ betray your confidence, darling 'sister' of mine."_

_Sasuke glared balefully at him, but maintained his silence. Damned if he was going to go on a confession mode when he knew for a fact that most of the student population of Saint Blossom Academy were hiding all over the place hanging on to their every word. He absolutely refused to give _any_ of them the satisfaction of hearing any kind of reply._

_Itachi tsked in impatience. "The silent treatment, eh? Well, you don't need to say much; everyone else is happy to do the talking for you." Flicking an imperceptibly sly glance towards his brother, he added under his breath for Sasuke's ears only, "Strike one already, dear brother; and it's only the first year, yet."_

It had taken nearly all his restraint not to smash his fist into his brother's smug face. Needless to say, their encounter didn't help to improve his already intimidating disposition—in fact, he was in a worse temper than when he had verbally cut Watanabi Ami into tiny little pieces; except towards Sakura, Ino, and Hinata.

However, he wasn't the only one in Saint Blossom whose temper could be likened towards a shooting geyser—

Subaku Temari had been in a temper a few weeks ago following the start-of-the-year meeting with their brother school's—Konoha High's—student officials, and she had been quite snippy since then.

The reason had become apparent a week ago, when her younger brothers had come over to visit…

"_What the hell is your Headmaster thinking to appoint a _freshman_ to be your R.A.?" Temari lashed out at Kankuro._

"_Why are you getting mad at me?" Kankuro answered back in irritation. "It's not like I had anything to do with it. I resigned: remember?"_

_A nerve pulsed in Temari's temple. She gritted her teeth to avoid raving like a demented shrew over her stupid brother's irresponsibility. If she managed to keep the whole student body under control, then he damn well could do it, too. After all, he was a year younger, and didn't have as much schoolwork on his plate._

_Taking a deep breath, she swung her gaze in the direction of her youngest brother. "Gaara," she called out. "Why didn't you apply for the position?"_

"_Why should I?" he answered flatly; then promptly turned away from them._

'_As antisocial as ever,' she thought, rolling her eyes. "Kankuro," she snapped. "You better do something about that so-called R.A. of yours. That _Nara"_ —she sneered the name— " is such a lazy ass idiot; he doesn't even do _anything_ if he can help it. He leaves everything at the last minute, never files a single report, doesn't check up on the students, and spends all his time with his 'best friend' who's such a fat ass idiot, he ate all the snacks allotted for the _entire_ student body officials during the last meeting. I don't even know what the heck he was doing there, seeing as he's not even an officer!"_

_"Well, what do you expect me to do?" Kankuro asked impatiently. "I'm not a student official anymore, and I don't have a say in how things go anymore."_

_"__Surely the fact that you were the _former_ R.A. will give you some leverage?" Temari shot back in disbelief. "I won't have that lazy arrogant bastard as my co-R.A., do you hear me?"_

"_Hell, yes, everybody heard you," Kankuro snapped. "You were yelling loud enough to wake the dead. Jeez."_

_"__I don't know why you're complaining, Temari-nee," Gaara interjected, still not glancing in their direction. "It's the higher up authority that botched up things, not him."_

_"That doesn't mean I have to like it," Temari said waspishly._

And it was pretty obvious that she _still_ didn't like it. The rest of the student body had quickly caught on that whenever there was a student official meeting, they were to steer clear of their R.A.—not unless they wanted their hides nailed to some door.

Sasuke wasn't one to deliberately put himself in the path of a speeding train, but regardless of Temari's temper, he would've avoided her like she was contagious, anyway.

After Kankuro and Gaara had left their still fuming sister, they had passed by a number of Saint Blossom students, including Sasuke…

_"Hey, babe," Kankuro called out. "Wanna go out sometime?"_

_Sasuke looked at him in blank incomprehension—at first. When he realized whom he was talking to, there was nothing else to do but look ahead in abject horror._

_"Are you talking to_ me?" _Sasuke gasped in shock._

_"Hey," Kankuro continued, "There's no need to look so shocked: you're one hot cutie, after all." He winked at Sasuke before he and Gaara walked away._

_"Feel free to give me a call!" Kankuro called back, as he waved a negligent hand, without turning around._

The worst part of it, was the fact that most of his classmates kept asking him if he _would_ go out with Kankuro-senpai. Like hell, he would! Sakura and Ino didn't help matters any…

_"Satsuki-chan," Ino began, as she sat beside Hinata during their lunch break. "Are you really going out with Kankuro-senpai?"_

_"I'm not going out with anyone," Sasuke bit out in impatience._

_Undeterred, Ino continued, "What about Naruto?"_

_"What about him?" Sasuke asked coolly, both of them unaware that Hinata had tensed up when his name was mentioned._

_"You're better off going out with Kankuro-senpai than with Naruto," Sakura answered, stabbing her pasta with her fork. "I mean, no offense, but I'm sure Kankuro-senpai has more scintillating conversation."_

_"Since I'm not going out with_ anyone," _Sasuke reiterated, "I don't see how your advice has any relevance on the matter."_

If they weren't starting to grow on him, he would've told them to go to hell. As it were, Sasuke felt that anything he said could be misconstrued into something else entirely, and the wiser course of prudent action, would be to speak less; there were fewer chances of mistakes that way. And besides, Itachi had a point: the way things were going, he really didn't have to say much of anything—everybody else would be happy to speak for him, no problem.

* * *

Sasuke lay awake in his bed long after lights out. He could usually sleep pretty well when the occasion called for it, but he couldn't seem to do it tonight. It probably had to do with Sakura twisting and turning in her bed on the other side of the room. He didn't usually let other sounds bother him, but all the events of the past month were plaguing his thoughts. Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind of everything…

_Visualize a tunnel…_

_There's a light at the end of it…_

_Concentrate towards it…_

_Walk slowly but surely…_

_On the other side is a peaceful garden. You want to be in that garden…_

_He had reached the garden…_

_It was beautiful. There were tall trees, and clear flowing water, and beautiful flowers, and Sakura—_

Sasuke's eyes snapped open. What the hell was _Sakura_ doing in his head? She was on the other side of the room, in her bed. She wasn't—

"Satsuki?" came a plaintive whisper.

Sasuke turned his head towards the sound and found the reason why he was imagining such things: Sakura stood beside his bed, with her arms wrapped around her pillow, and her green eyes full of tears.

"What is it?" Sasuke whispered back. "What's wrong?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" she asked softly.

Sasuke's mouth dropped open. "What?" he hissed at her.

Sakura's lip trembled. "I— I had a bad dream. I don't" —sniffle— "wanna sleep alone. I'm scared."

Sasuke's first impulse was to tell her to grow up, and stop acting like a big baby; but the desperate look in her eyes, made him feel that he would be the biggest ass on earth if he didn't help her out. Without a word, he swept the covers back and held out his arm.

Sakura came into them and snuggled closer. (Yes, Sasuke wears his wonder bra to sleep—which must be damn uncomfortable, but he can't take it off, unless he's in the shower, because someone might notice if his breasts went missing.) Sasuke swept the covers over them, and tried to get to sleep.

'I cannot believe I'm doing this,' Sasuke thought ruefully.

Just when Sasuke was drifting off to sleep, he was prodded awake by Sakura's call. "Satsuki?"

"Hm?" he mumbled.

"Thank you."

A pause; and then, "You're welcome."

* * *

_Slam!_

"Rise and shine, you guys!" Ino sang out cheerily as she walked into Sakura and Satsuki's dorm room the next day. "We have P.E. and home economics today, and I can't wait—"

She stopped in her tracks and stared wide-eyed as the bed: where there were _two_ people…

"Ino," Sakura groaned, as she sat up rubbing her eyes, "can't you wake people up more quietly?"

Ino stared at Sakura as if she was the most fascinating thing since she first saw her own face in the mirror for the first time.

Sasuke turned over and squinted towards the interruption to his sleep.

When it rains, it pours; before another word could be said, Hinata walked into the room as well. "Ino," she called out, "we have to get the spices for home economics form the cafeteria—oh!" Hinata's eyes widened, as she saw what had Ino stupefied. Incredibly flustered, and uncharacteristically naïve, she blurted out, "I'm sorry! You needed your privacy. Please excuse me." With a quick bow, Hinata scurried out of the room, as if she had just had an encounter with the devil.

Ino, however, was full of sterner stuff than that—

Still staring owlishly at Sakura and Satsuki, she asked in a tone of a psychiatrist in a session with a mental incompetent, _"Why_ are you both in the same bed?"

Sasuke sleepily narrowed his dark eyes inquiringly at her, while Sakura answered in a sleepy, "Huh?" (They're still not understanding the implications here…)

"You guys—in one bed—together—all night— What is that?" Ino asked, trying to make some sense of a situation that actually made sense, if you're mind wasn't in the gutter.

"Obviously, we slept together," Sakura mumbled sleepily, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Well, obviously, it's _obvious,"_ Ino practically screeched. "What do you two take me for: _blind?"_

"Uh, no," Sasuke answered with mild sarcasm, "just loud."

Ino narrowed her blue-green eyes at that quip, and glared at Satsuki for her obtuseness. "What do you two think you're _doing?"_

"Um, I don't know," Sasuke answered in the same mildly sarcastic tone, "we were sleeping 'til you woke us up?"

Undeterred, Ino ploughed ahead, "Did you do 'it'?"

Sasuke and Sakura jerked awake at that question, finally realizing what frequency Ino's brain waves—and unfortunately, Hinata's—were traveling.

"What do you think you're saying?" Sasuke asked sharply.

"What kind of dirt are you not cleaning in your brain, Ino?" Sakura asked at the same time.

"It was a reasonable conclusion," Ino defended.

"It was a perverted conclusion," Sakura countered.

"This is insane," Sasuke muttered under his breath, running his fingers through his black hair.

"You two have lost your minds," Ino announced then.

"Uhf," Sakura scoffed, _"You're_ the one in la-la land."

Ignoring her friend, Ino pinched the bridge of her nose, and continued, " Look: you guys get decent, and I'll try to forget all about this."

'You're the one doing something that's not forgettable,' was Sasuke and Sakura's mutual thought.

"I'm all for it," Sasuke began, trying to infuse some sense into an insensible situation, "but I'd rather not do it with you as an audience."

Ino sniffed. "Too late for _that."_

"Keep this up, and I'll throw something at you," Sasuke retorted irritably.

Ino harrumphed and stomped out of the room, muttering to herself the entire time, and completely oblivious and unconcerned of who might overhear her irritated monologue—bad idea…

A pair of dark eyes narrowed in her direction, as a girl with long black hair caught the gist of her muttered phrases. A sly, calculating smile appeared in her beautiful doll-like face.

* * *

"Listen, Satsuki-chan," Sakura began as she and Sasuke made their way to class. "Ino was just being obtuse—"

Sasuke interrupted with a snort. "Being deliberately annoying, is more like it."

"Well—yes, that _is_ true," Sakura continued, "but, um, I mean: you're not mad at me or anything, are you?"

Sasuke grunted in answer.

"Uh, Satsuki-chan," Sakura prodded with a slight shake of her cherry blossom pink hair, "that wasn't an answer."

"No. I'm not mad at you," Sasuke clipped out. Turning towards Sakura, he added, "Happy now?" With that parting shot, he stomped towards the direction of the classroom.

'Could've fooled me,' Sakura thought in disgruntled bemusement, before following her roommate and classmate towards their classroom.

* * *

Sasuke was irritable, and it didn't help that Ino kept shooting furtively suspicious glances in their direction—I mean, didn't she get it yet, that _nothing_ happened? Except in her fevered imagination, of course.

Sasuke plopped down on his seat and glowered at the view from the window. He couldn't wait for class to start—maybe then he would have a reasonable distraction from the anomalies that occurred in his so-called life.

Kurenai-sensei promptly walked into the room, and glanced in the direction of the speakers. In Saint Blossom Academy, every school morning was started off with someone singing the school's official anthem from the speakers, all of which were tied directly to the broadcast room. The choir president, Tsuchi Kin, was that specific someone.

At approximately seven o'clock, Kin's voice could be heard all over the school as her melodious voice danced flowingly over the notes of the anthem—it was a pity her talking voice wasn't so gorgeous. You couldn't believe it was the same person singing and talking, if you didn't know any better, but everyone at Saint Blossom was aware: Kin sang like an angel; and she talked like a baby. Oh, it wasn't that she talked baby talk; it was more like her voice sounded as if it never matured from the cradle—which annoyed some people to no end—but she could sing, so they didn't harp on about it.

The last notes of the anthem faded away and Kurenai-sensei turned towards her class in order to start attendance. However, unlike before Kin cleared her throat, which caused the teachers all over the school to glance in the speakers' direction in their respective classrooms.

"I'd like all your attention, please," Kin announced, in her high-pitched "speaking" baby-voice. "I'd just like to inform you all of the theme for the annual dance between Saint Blossom Academy and Konoha High School: it's going to be a masquerade."

A babble of voices broke out in all of the classrooms upon hearing this announcement, but in Kin's class, Temari clenched her jaw and balled her hands into fists.

"All right, all right," Kurenai-sensei called out, attempting to restore order, "I'm sure you'll all have a fine discussion of it—after class. Now, let's—"

"I also have another announcement to make," Kin's voice reverberated once again from the speakers.

Ruru-sensei's brows rose in surprise, Kurenai-sensei glanced towards the speakers in irritation, Peitsuru-sensei just looked downright bored, while the other teachers displayed varying degrees of expression that bordered on the "I-don't-care" in their respective classrooms, as Kin went to the heart of her other announcement:

"I would just like to inform you all, of a certain piece of news that I have acquired from someone with a first-hand experience of the situation. You all should be aware of the fact that Haruno Sakura" —Sakura's head jerked up at the mention of her name— "and Uchiha Satsuki" —Sasuke looked up sharply at the speaker; he had a bad feeling about this— "were seen sleeping together in the same bed, which can only be the conclusion gathered, as they both woke up together in it. Thank you very much, for your attention and time."

With that parting shot, Kin went off the air. Class 1-Yuri was eerily silent after that momentous declaration, which of course, was also broadcast to the entire school. Sakura and Sasuke felt the force of all their class's gazes looking at them both with varying degrees of incomprehension, disbelief, shock, embarrassment, disgust, and horrified fascination.

Sakura couldn't even make herself _look_ at Kurenai-sensei.

Sasuke clenched his jaw, and mentally added another name to his Hit List—yep, he had one now: Yamanaka Ino. She was _so_ dead.

A/A: To periwinkle: I can't believe I made them kiss either, but it was just something that was floating all around my mind. I'll see what I can do about the pairings… To benevolent: I'm so glad you liked reading the chapter as much as I liked writing it. ShikaTema is also one of my fave pairings (and this is just my humble opinion: I think Kishimoto-sensei does, too…). To ahem: thanks for the review (I don't know what else to say?). To ladyaymie: thanks for a very intuitive review (and that means you've got great instincts).

A/N: This is a reply I sent to one of the reviewers (BlackMageRose13) that I think will be helpful in understanding some points: -grins- Glad you liked the story. And didn't you review just now? Itachi was just exercising his subtle sense of black humor (Neji was the only one intelligent enough to get the nuances). The two schools are like brother and sister, beside each other, but not too close. Naruto got lost...?

BETA-READER'S (pei-chan's) NOTE:

Darn her for being slow. Then again, no matter how much I hate to say it: this chapter was hilarious. Kin's announcement was sure embarrassing for some people. -ehem- We know who they are. If only she could write faster, I want to read Chapter 10 already, hehe. Craving, craving, I need to read it. Why Chapter 10? Just wait and see.


	7. Accusations and Discoveries

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've finally managed to get this chapter done. -phew- Everyone seemed to think that it was all Ino's fault… Well, whose "fault" it is will become clear in this little chappie here…

CHAPTER 7: ACCUSATIONS AND DISCOVERIES

"Did you hear that announcement this morning?"

"I don't _believe_ it!"

"Kin-senpai wouldn't say such a thing without proof—"

"_Why_ would she say something like that in the first place? Was that even allowed?"

"It's just so unbelievable!"

"So… Are they—like: _gay?"_

"No! They're _les!"_

"No _way!"_

"Oh, my God!"

This was the sort of conversation going on all over Saint Blossom Academy the day of Tsuchi Kin's memorable announcement. Sasuke thought with curious detachment that if it took a month in between such gossip on a regular basis, he would get used to this pretty quickly—the next time some news came floating all over the corridors that he had a fetish for sleeping with guys, girls, and assorted animals, he wouldn't even bat an eye. But—since that was a long way away—on to the more pressing matter of murdering Ino…

* * *

She was going to murder Kin.

Temari couldn't believe that girl's gall. How dare she make an official announcement on a school official decision without any approval from any of the student board! It was going to be a nightmare trying to sort all this out now. The way things were going: they were going to have to go through all the tentative plans without considering any other alternatives. Top it off with that stunt she pulled involving the freshmen from Class 1-Yuri. What did she think the broadcast room was for? Gossip announcements?

Temari ground her teeth and clenched her jaw as she stomped through the cafeteria in search of her classmate. Spotting her when the group of students converged in the corner made room for some new arrivals; Temari strode towards them with all the ferocity of a saber-toothed tiger.

Seeing the dangerous expression on her face, the students around Kin, who were hoping for a more in-depth inside story, parted easily. Kin stared at her furious classmate with languid amusement. A slight sly smile on her lips, she dabbed the corner of her mouth with a paper napkin, and cheerfully greeted, "Hello, Temari-san. I must say, you have quite an unpleasant look in your face." She tsked. "It's really not good for the digestion."

"Get out of that chair," Temari bit out in a deadly whisper, "and come with me—_now."_ With that ominous summons hanging in the air, she whirled around and stalked out the way she came in, uncaring if Kin was indeed following her.

Kin raised her brows and pursed her lips in surprise, but she did as she was bidden. She had no doubts whatsoever that if she didn't follow behind Temari in a reasonable frame of time, she would find herself thrashed within an inch of her life—Temari didn't win the martial arts tournament two years ago with her brothers for her congenial disposition.

Once out of earshot, Temari whirled to face her classmate, and said in a furious undertone, "How. Dare. You."

"Uh," Kin asked with perfect innocence, " 'How dare I' what, exactly?"

Temari's dark eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't—be coy with me," she hissed through gritted teeth. "What the hell did you think you were doing this morning? And don't you dare tell me that 'you were making an announcement', because you know good and well you weren't authorized to be giving _any_ of the things you said in the broadcast room!" Temari's voice had risen to a shout.

Kin rolled her eyes, but she was smart enough not to give a smart-ass retort. Temari looked positively homicidal at the moment, and would be liable to do her extremely excruciating bodily harm if she was the least bit flippant. Deciding to address the issue that would be least relevant to the R.A., she said sweetly, "It was just a little joke."

Temari raised an imperious golden brow. "Which one?" she said coldly.

"The one about Haruno and Uchiha, of course," Kin answered brightly.

"I'm sure they found it hilarious," Temari said sarcastically.

"Well," Kin said briskly, "they're certainly taking things better than you, I must say."

"I'm sure you do," Temari continued in the same sarcastic tone, "say a _lot._ But before you open your mouth for whatever reason, you better tell me what you think you'd achieve by going over the school officials' heads and announcing the theme for the dance without official sanction."

"Well…" Kin answered, twirling a lock of hair around her index finger, "I just thought it might be fun, y'know?"

Temari barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "Did it not occur to you," she began more calmly, "that there might've been another idea that would be more 'fun' than a masquerade?"

"No," Kin answered immediately.

Temari looked wordlessly back at her. 'This girl is just plain unbelievable,' she thought in disbelief. 'She causes no end of chaos on a whim, and thinks that it affects absolutely _nobody.'_ Shaking her head slightly, she promptly walked away. If she stayed another second in Kin's company, she would seriously kill her. The girl played havoc with her self-control. As the school R.A., she had to set an example: she couldn't afford to be violent—even if Kin deserved everything she could dish out, and more.

* * *

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't let Satsuki clobber you the minute she finds you?" Sakura asked, while she glared daggers at her erstwhile best friend.

"Because I didn't say anything!" Ino yelled panicked.

"So—you're saying _Hinata_ told Kin-senpai?" Sakura asked disbelievingly.

"We both know she would never," Ino snapped.

"I guess that leaves you, then," Sakura concluded, crossing her arms.

"Look," Ino said, massaging her temples, "as difficult as this is to believe" —Sakura snorted— "I didn't say anything to _anyone_ at all."

"Right," Sakura said sarcastically rolling her eyes. "So I guess you were muttering to yourself along the corridors, when you just _happened_ to pass by Kin-senpai, who—in a vague moment of vindictiveness—decided it would be fun to make a big deal out of it."

Ino blinked at that long-winded recitation. "You know…" she considered, "that sorta makes sense—I mean: it _is_ possible."

"Are you crazy?" Sakura asked in disbelief. "The odds of that happening would be, like, I dunno—next to impossible! It's almost as unbelievable as the idea that Satsuki's really a guy wearing girls' clothes."

"Yeah, that might be more farfetched than Kin accidentally overhearing and purposely announcing," Ino agreed, "but when really _think_ about it—"

"_You're_ the one not thinking about it," Sakura interrupted, "again."

"I'm telling you I didn't tell anybody!" Ino shouted, losing her temper.

"You're really not making a convincing argument," Sakura yelled back.

Ino wanted to rip her hair out in frustration. She had been trying to avoid Sakura and Satsuki for the entire day, but she had only been half successful in that particular endeavor. The hardest part of all this, was convincing them both that she really had nothing whatsoever to do with Tsuchi Kin's announcement that morning. Contrary to what everyone seemed to believe: she actually _could_ keep a secret. She opened her mouth to give Sakura another stinging retort—not that it would be any more convincing, since she couldn't prove that she _didn't_ tell (how could anyone, really?)—but abruptly paled when she caught sight of Satsuki striding in their direction with a murderous gleam in her onyx eyes.

Ino didn't hesitate—she threw her arms around Sakura and gave an earsplitting shriek: "Save me, Sakura! Don't let her kill me!"

Before Sakura could do anything—not that she would anyway—Sasuke grabbed Ino's arm and dragged her off, her wails drawing attention from the other students who were in the vicinity, including Peitsuru-sensei, who despite being a teacher, didn't lift a finger of assistance (it's either she's smart enough not to get involved, or she really doesn't care what happens).

Sakura stared at their retreating forms until they entered an empty classroom, whereby the door was slammed shut, isolating them both inside. Sakura flinched at the first sound of something—or someone—being slammed against the wall, which was followed by more slams and thuds and whacks, punctuated by Ino's garbled pleading and near hysterical weeping.

Finally, Sakura couldn't take it anymore—Ino was her friend after all. She didn't want Satsuki to kill her—yet. She could still change her mind, though at the moment all she could think of was saving Ino from Satsuki's clutches, which sent her scurrying in a hurry towards the direction of the classroom.

"Satsuki!" she shouted as she ran. "That's enough. Stop it!" She wrenched open the door to find—Satsuki sitting on the floor of the room with Ino crying in her arms. Her jaw dropped open in shock. 'What the hell happened?' she thought dazed.

"I trashed the classroom," Sasuke flatly answered her unspoken question, while patting Ino awkwardly on the back.

Sakura surveyed her surroundings, and found that she had indeed smashed the classroom—while Ino didn't have a single mark on her. Transferring rueful green eyes on Sasuke's dark ones, she stated the obvious: "You couldn't hit her."

Sasuke rolled his eyes in self-disgust in a clear indication of the accuracy of her summation. "She didn't tell," he said abruptly.

"What?" Sakura asked startled.

Jerking his head to indicate the state of the classroom, he clarified dryly, "Do you honestly think anyone who really had something to feel guilty about would be able to stay in this room with me acting like a homicidal maniac and not confess to all the sins they ever committed?"

Put that way, Sakura couldn't help but agree.

"And it's not like whatever we do now will make any sort of difference," he added. "Kin-senpai's announcement just doesn't leave any room for plausible deniability."

She couldn't argue with that, either.

"Sakura?" Sasuke said questioningly.

"What is it?" she answered, her own tone questioning.

"I'm really not the hugging type."

"O-K—" Sakura answered, not understanding his remark.

"Do you mind?" he asked, nodding his head towards the sobbing Ino.

"Oh. Right," Sakura remarked, now understanding his predicament. Kneeling beside them, she began in a coaxing tone, "C'mere, Ino-girl. Come to mommy Sakura."

Sasuke stared disbelievingly at Sakura. What did she think she was doing? He was even more disbelieving when Ino gave a pitiful whimper and crawled towards Sakura's embrace.

"There, there," Sakura crooned, patting Ino in the back, just as Sasuke had done a few minutes before, "you're still alive Ino-girl. She's not gonna kill you."

"Why are you treating her like a dog?" Sasuke asked, unable to restrain himself.

"She's actually more like a pig—" Sakura began jokingly, only to cut herself off with a scream. "She _bit_ me!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped. The people hanging around outside the room, pricked their ears further to catch more of the conversation.

"This is so weird," Sasuke murmured ruefully. "It feels like we're parents scolding a recalcitrant child for telling tales about mommy and daddy to the general public."

"Oh, yeah?" Sakura asked absently, still irritated with Ino for biting her shoulder. "This little doggie-pig deserves a muzzle for her vicious tongue and her vicious bite—ouch! She bit me _again._ Ino!" she yelled furiously.

Sasuke couldn't help it: he started laughing.

* * *

Temari barely glanced at Ruru-sensei when she entered their classroom one week later. After a brisk greeting, she immediately started calling in attendance. Temari listened with half an ear until her name would be called, but an unexpected name jarred her attention back towards the classroom.

"Sanada Hakuhi?" Ruru-sensei called out.

Temari looked puzzled, as was the rest of the class. That was the first time they had ever heard that name before.

Ruru-sensei sighed. "It looks like she's late. What a way to start your first day. Ah, well, since she's a new student, I suppose I could always give her a bit of leeway, though it's not a good precedent for her student record," she mumbled absently.

A new student? The question hung in the air of the class, unspoken, but felt. It was certainly odd. New students didn't normally transfer a year before graduation. It was just too difficult to integrate yourself into school that way.

Ruru-sensei continued the attendance, then promptly started class. Today, they were discussing William Shakespeare's _Twelfth Night._ Temari wasn't interested in hearing about Sebastian, Viola, Orsino, and Olivia; she was curious about the new student—which was probably why when Ruru-sensei called on her to read aloud Act II Scene 1, she was so distracted that she started reading Act _III_ Scene 1 instead.

"You seem to be way ahead of us," Ruru-sensei remarked dryly. "Since you're so impatient to get on with it, let's hear you summarize the rest of Act II for the class."

Temari cleared her throat nervously. She knew the story of _Twelfth Night_—she read it from the synopsis at the end of each scene after all, but that wouldn't be helpful right now, since she didn't read the play itself. She was debating inwardly on how best to avoid embarrassing herself when the door slid open, and a soft, liltingly calm voice greeted, "Ohayo gozaimasu, minna. I'm sorry I'm late. My name is Sanada Hakuhi. Please call me Haku. I'm very pleased to be here."

* * *

Yakushi Kabuto walked casually along one of the tree lined roads that led in and out of Saint Blossom Academy. He would be meeting his boss somewhere along the way shortly, but well… A man had to find relaxation where he could get it, right?

Spotting a figure leaning casually against a tree trunk, Kabuto smirked and walked over to him.

"Orochimaru-sama," he greeted deferentially. "How are you today?"

"Quite well," Orochimaru answered handing him a stack of pictures.

Kabuto flipped through them absently, noting the more remarkable looking ones from the collection. "There are some promising ones," he murmured thoughtfully. "Though I'm not seeing anyone particularly extraordinary."

"Au contraire, my dear Kabuto," Orochimaru contradicted, a gleam in his eye, "I found someone _perfectly_ extraordinary. I'm sure she'll make us _a lot_ of money." So saying this, he handed over a single photograph towards Kabuto for his perusal.

"So it would seem," he replied, gazing critically at the girl in the picture. "Not classical, but uniquely original."

"Yes, indeed," Orochimaru said, smiling a frightening reptilian grin. "She'll be my new little money maker. My sweet Uchiha Satsuki."

A/N: As usual, all replies to signed reviews can be viewed in your personal e-mail accounts, and anonymous reviews shall be replied to here. To Mortu-kun: Sasuke isn't torture-free yet—not by a long shot (and just between you, me and everybody reading this fic: Itachi's not done torturing Sasuke as of yet). To hitomi: it was already part of my plan to get the guys hitting on "Satsuki", and I thought it was high time I started putting it in (hehe!), and as to the pairings… you're sort of on the right track… don't leave that train of thought! To hokimiki: I'm glad you liked my little baby (I think I've got a mother complex right now…), and I'm glad you liked the chappie! Keep looking forward to the rest of my chapters! (This is me hoping…)

A/A: Thanks to all the readers who bothered to read my fic, and to the reviewers who bothered to read _and_ review my fic. It was a pleasure to read from you -bows-. Anyway, there were two reviews in particular that I _think_ will be pertinent to all you guys reading my fic. So, I'm posting my replies here: (To **Nadramon**) - Hehe! Glad you're back from wherever it is you came from... Yes, I really did try and find a girl's name that would be pretty similar sounding to "Sasuke". I would've used his real name, but it was kinda too manly for a girl. As to SasuNaru: I do agree that their characters suit each other well... but as best friends and brothers not as lovers! The purity of their friendship is being slandered and maligned by all these yaoi fanfics (those that are excellently written may be excused... and we all know how many there really are of those -snorts w/ laughter-); and as to SasuHina and GaaHina: how do guys come up w/ this! -sweatdrops in confusion-; and (to **animeloverj**) - I'm glad you liked chapter 6. As to the so-called "run-on" sentences, as long as they make sense and are grammatically correct, I go forth w/ it. When I type my fic, I read the stuff I'm typing in my head, so those punctuations actually have a purpose: you just have to know how to read them (yes, they, too, can be read!). Just a trivia, Charles Dickens once wrote a 5-page sentence: and it was perfectly grammatically correct. (Whoa, for Dickens!) And Sakura and Sasuke didn't try to explain anything to Ino, because not only was her mind made up about what happened, they really didn't think it was that big of a deal... more like a minor inconvenience... Too bad the rest of the school didn't think so... hehe...


	8. Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I finally got it done! Yes! -punches the air with her fist- I sort of went through a slight mental block after chapter 7, so this kinda got delayed, which wasn't helped by the fact that I'm bogged down with humungous stuff for school. I gotta tell you guys now: it's not gonna get any better anytime soon. Meaning: the next chappie might be delayed again. Just a whim of mine: anybody who correctly identifies what the three surprises here will get a special mention in the next chapter… Anywayz—read on!

CHAPTER 8: SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Nara Shikamaru suppressed a yawn as his co-R.A. Subaku Temari went on and on about the preparations for the upcoming annual dance—which he really had no idea about whatsoever, since he was just a freshman, after all.

He had been to every meeting there ever was for the entire six months of his appointment, and he still hadn't changed his mind about it—it was a complete waste of his time. If he didn't think he'd be in deep shit with Asuma-sensei for walking out of any of them, he would've done so the first time around. As it was, he really didn't want to stick around in this particular meeting, especially since he was spending his time getting his ears burned off. She seemed to be more scathing than usual.

Hell, if he wanted a lecture, he'd go home to his mother. The reason he was really keen of going to Konoha High School for Boys anyway, was because they had dorms, which meant he'd get to stay way away from his mother. The last thing he expected was to meet someone whose personality was just like his mother.

She really wasn't that bad—if she just shut her mouth once in a while, they'd be cool.

"Damn, but she is _so_ uptight," Shikamaru muttered under his breath—which was unfortunately, not enough not to go unheard.

"Did you _say_ something?" Temari inquired in a hard voice, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Nothing important," he answered quickly. If there was anything he'd rather not experience, it was a shouting match with a female: he'd just let them win, anyway—what was the point?

* * *

Subaku Gaara was walking in the direction of the meeting room in Konoha High, when his older brother, Kankuro, waylaid him.

"Hey, Gaara!" Kankuro called out. "Where are you off to?"

Gaara ignored his brother for a full minute before replying. "To where Temari-nee is," he answered without once looking at Kankuro. Fortunately, Kankuro was used to the rudeness—if his little brother started being polite, he'd start to wonder if it was his doppelganger or something.

"Why are you going to where she is?" Kankuro asked curious.

"Because she asked me to," Gaara answered with unemotional promptness. "She doesn't want to spend any more time with our R.A. than necessary. They don't seem to get along."

Kankuro's brows rose in disbelief. "And since when did you ever do anything Temari asked you to do?"

"Never."

Kankuro restrained himself from rolling his eyes. "So why now all of a sudden?" he asked dryly.

"I feel like it," Gaara replied.

Kankuro stopped in his tracks and stared at his little brother wide-eyed. "Are you _really_ my brother?"

"I _really_ wished I wasn't," Gaara shot back. "Although, we never know, I might be adopted."

"I can assure you, you weren't," Kankuro stated firmly.

"There you go: question answered," Gaara replied unconcerned.

Kankuro stared at his little brother's retreating figure, and couldn't help it: 'With that attitude I'm surprised they didn't actually put _you_ up for adoption,' he thought uncharitably.

* * *

As soon as he said it, Shikamaru changed his mind: "You know what? I actually said something."

Temari raised her brows questioningly.

"You should really chill once in a while, y'know?" he uttered.

Temari gave a sharp laugh. "I'm getting this advice from a guy who wouldn't know what to do with 'work' even if he were given a step-by-step instruction manual," she scoffed.

"Hey!" Shikamaru began angrily. "Don't presume to know my work ethic, alright?"

"Oh, really?" Temari taunted. "I didn't realize you actually had one. I thought for sure, if you had any 'ethics' it would all pertain to _avoiding_ work."

"God, you're such a bitch!" Shikamaru muttered not caring the least if she heard it or not, although judging by the volume of his voice and the expression in Temari's face, it was a foregone conclusion that she heard the insult.

"And _you're_ such a worm!" she shot back. "You're such a lazy ass, all you probably do is sit under a tree and stare at the clouds all day."

Her accusation was right on the mark, but it didn't hit, since Shikamaru couldn't care less what she or anybody else thought of his activities—his business was his business. Period. "I'll have you know," Shikamaru replied, "that worms are extremely useful for the environment."

Temari shot him an ugly look and stood up. "I. Really. Don't. Care. I'm not staying around to discuss anything else with you." She walked around the table, but in her furious agitation failed to notice the strap of a bag in her path, which tangled in her ankles causing her to lose her balance—right into Shikamaru's lap.

Shikamaru reflexively put his arms around Temari in an unconscious act of gentlemanliness just as the door to the room slid open and Gaara remarked idly, "It looks like you're both getting along just fine." And without another word, he disappeared as quickly as he came, without bothering to close the door.

Temari stared owlishly at the doorway where her younger brother had been. "He actually came?" she asked aloud. She had completely forgotten her previous annoyance _and_ that she was in Shikamaru's lap, and he didn't seem to mind…

"What is with him?" Temari muttered in bewildered annoyance (directed at Gaara).

"There you go: all uptight again," Shikamaru remarked offhandedly.

"What is with you and loose living anyway?" Temari asked looking him in the eye.

"I'm just a simple guy," Shikamaru answered. "I really don't want a complicated life."

"So, you're saying I'm complicated?" Temari asked drumming her fingertips on his shoulder.

"How should I know?" Shikamaru answered muttering irritably.

They were both so engrossed in their conversation they didn't notice a very amused individual observing them from the open doorway.

"If I had known R.A. meetings were this stimulating, I would've volunteered for the job," Uchiha Itachi drawled out.

Shikamaru and Temari both whirled towards the voice in surprise. "Itachi-senpai," Temari acknowledged. "How do you do?"

"I do very well," Itachi drawled amused, "And you, Temari-san, I must say: look vastly _comfortable."_

Itachi infused so much insinuation in the last word that Temari shot off Shikamaru's lap like a scalded kitten. "What can I do for you?" she asked nonchalantly, trying to pretend he didn't see a thing.

"I thought I'd drop by Saint Blossom this afternoon," Itachi answered idly.

"To check on your sister?" Temari guessed.

"Why don't you both go?" Shikamaru suggested casually.

Temari glanced at him, and was irritated by his cavalier attitude. And because she didn't understand why she was irritated, and she didn't have any reason to be irritated, she became more irritated—at Shikamaru.

"Yes, Itachi-senpai," Temari announced a tad loudly. "Why don't we be on our way?" Shooting a glare in Shikamaru's direction, she added snidely, "And good riddance to you." With that she stomped out of the room—without tripping over anything this time.

An unholy gleam of amusement in his dark eyes, Itachi drawled smoothly at Shikamaru, "Lover's quarrel, eh," as he made his way after Temari.

Shikamaru stared at the doorway for a minute. Then, pragmatically shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever."

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke stomped across the school grounds of Saint Blossom Academy with the foremost thought of avoiding another confrontation with his esteemed older brother, Itachi. Every time they saw each other, the taunts Itachi aimed at him whether verbal, silent, or just the smug look in his eyes, or the smirking twist of his lips, was not something he wanted to encounter—especially since it would guarantee an audience, which he didn't need nor want, which meant any sort of retaliation on his part was out of the equation. Damn. 'Why the hell did he have to come way over here, anyway?' Sasuke thought with irritation.

He was so annoyed that he didn't notice an individual gazing at him with rapturous fascination from a very narrow distance away. He was also so distracted with the aim of avoiding Itachi that he barely managed to avoid bumping into the tall, black-haired figure that suddenly appeared in his path, which caused him to give a startled yelp—which was so unlike him, by the way.

Orochimaru stared avidly at Uchiha Satsuki, as he mentally evaluated the pros and cons of her "refreshing" appearance.

Imagine Sasuke's surprise when the said person in front of him started leaking tears from both eyes, while staring at him as if he was everything he ever wanted in life, which was really not a feeling that would make anyone feel comfortable.

"Is there a problem?" Sasuke asked politely.

Imagine Sasuke's further surprise when the said person took his hand with one of his pale ones, and started caressing it quite possessively with the other.

"OK," Sasuke stated rigidly. "I don't care if you _do_ have a problem; _I_ have a problem with this. This must be a case of mistaken identity or something. I'm leaving."

Before Sasuke could put his stated intention into appropriate action, Orochimaru started laughing a low chuckle, which made you realize that this is the perfect time to run screaming as far away as possible. It was certainly what Sasuke felt, as goose bumps appeared all over his body. 'What the hell is this freak?' he asked himself agitatedly. 'Screw this! I don't really want to know.'

Orochimaru, sensing that his prey was on the verge of fleeing, went about reassuring Satsuki with the sincerity of his intentions—which was really not sincere at all. (Run, Sasuke! Run away! Very, very far away…) "I apologize for my forwardness," Orochimaru began in an oily voice. "But since I'm always forward, there's no point in going backward, is there?"

Sasuke swore to himself he wouldn't ask for a clarification on that. He asked anyway: "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You—me—and a lot of money," Orochimaru answered with gleeful promptness.

"Never gonna happen," Sasuke answered with even more promptness. "It wasn't nice talking to you. I'm not thanking you. Goodbye."

He quickly snatched his hand out of Orochimaru's slimy grasp, but Oro wasn't one to give up easily. As Sasuke turned around to leave (He changed his mind: Itachi wasn't so bad, after all.), Orochimaru grabbed him from behind, his hands landing unerringly on something no pervert should ever get his hands on: Satsuki's "breasts." Needless to say, Sasuke instinctively launched his right leg on a backward high kick aimed straight for the perverted freak's snake-like face—which unfortunately for him: Orochimaru dodged with ease.

"Such wonderful dexterity," Orochimaru murmured rapturously, totally oblivious of Sasuke's red-faced fury and embarrassment. "Your breasts feel a tad 'empty' though, my dear. Not to worry: an operation will perk them up in no time. We have to keep them upbeat—no sense in disappointing the customers now, don't you agree?"

Sasuke's mouth dropped open at that convoluted and disgusting monologue. He got the gist of it, however, which was why he soon found himself yelling like a lunatic. "What perverted hole in hell did you crawl out form? Wherever it is: you can just slither back in. You are such a freak!"

If this maddeningly demented situation wasn't enough, Itachi's arrival soon dispelled that notion.

"My, my, such a temper, Satsuki-chan," Itachi drawled out languidly. "And who, may I ask, is the object of your tempestuous fury this time?"

Before Sasuke could recover from his bout of murderous fury aimed at the yet unknown Orochimaru (note that they haven't been introduced as of yet), the said pimp gushingly introduced himself to Itachi. "And you must be our dear Satsuki's older brother. With such a resemblance you can be no other. I am the great connoisseur and entrepreneur of beautiful females, Orochimaru. Now that we've been introduced—you're name is irrelevant—on to business! What say you to the amount of ¥10 million?"

Itachi coolly raised a black brow. "For what—exactly?"

"Let's not beat around the bush," Orochimaru said with brisk impatience. "It's too small as it is—aim high! The tree is better; many more nests to plunder. You know what I'm talking about my good man."

"Thank you for the compliment—and no—I have no idea what you're talking about," Itachi answered blandly.

Sasuke thought they were both insane.

"For your sister, of course," Orochimaru tsked impatiently. "The greatest happiness for the greatest number of people who can pay good money, after all," he added, rubbing his hands in glee.

Itachi's eyes flared in anger. "How dare you think I would even _consider_ selling my dearest sibling for such money! Never, I say. It is a heinous to say the least."

Sasuke's mouth dropped open in surprised astonishment. Itachi was protecting him?

"Make it ¥50 million and we have a deal," Itachi continued, quite seriously.

"Ah, such a negotiator," Orochimaru stated, dabbing at his eyes with a white handkerchief. "Truly, a man after my own heart—if I had one. It affirms my faith in the baseness of the human race. I comment your practicality and wisdom."

'That's it,' Sasuke thought, the tenuous thread of control he was exerting over his already strained temper finally snapping. He marched towards Itachi, and slapped him across the face. "How _dare_ you both!" he yelled, utterly furious. "You're both sick bastards! Go straight to hell and burn forever. You don't deserve any respite," he spat, as he whirled around and ran in the direction of the school.

Itachi stared at his younger brother's retreating figure impassively. He touched his fingers on the sore spot on his cheek—and smiled.

Orochimaru, seeing this, raised an eyebrow and curiously asked, "And what, pray tell, is the reason for your humor?"

"The reason?" Itachi parroted, still smiling. "Why: the fact that he 'slapped' me, of course." And with that curious pronouncement, Itachi threw back his head and laughed his lungs out.

* * *

Yamanaka Ino and Hyuuga Hinata were surprised at the knock on their dorm room a few minutes before lights out.

"Who in the world could that be?" Ino asked wonderingly, as Hinata just shook her head in an I-don't-have-a-clue-either gesture.

Ino hurried to open the door to admit a wild-eyed Haruno Sakura.

"You gotta let me sleep here," Sakura announced without preamble. "I can't sleep in our room, because I'm afraid that if I close my eyes Satsuki will kill me."

Ino narrowed her blue-green eyes suspiciously, and planted her hands at the curve of her waist. "All right, Sakura. What did _you_ do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sakura replied indignantly. "She just came back from her walk in the grounds with blood in her eye, and I'm telling you now: the next person that rubs her the wrong way is gonna be having a funeral the next day. I'd rather avoid it being me, thank you very much."

"B-But Temari-senpai checks on all of us to make sure we're where we're supposed to be every night," Hinata protested.

Sakura groaned. She forgot about _that._ Now she had no choice but to go scurrying back to her own dorm room and pray that Satsuki would remember that she liked her roommate.

Taking pity on her, Ino went towards her things and handed Sakura a bottle. "Take it," she said, pushing it into Sakura's hands. "It's a good calming drink. You can face anybody after just a few sips, I promise."

Sakura looked suspiciously at the bottle. "Are you actually allowed to bring stuff like this in the dorm rooms?"

Ino waved away her concern with a negligent hand. "It's non-alcoholic, so relax. There's no trouble."

Sakura mumbled her "thanks", nodded towards Hinata and darted swiftly towards the direction of her own room, opening the drink and taking fortifying sips along the way.

Ino closed the door and proceeded to fix her things for tomorrow. Hinata fluffed her pillows to get comfortable, when Ino's "Uh-oh," permeated the room.

"Wh-what's wrong, Ino-chan?" Hinata asked alarmed.

"I must've grabbed the wrong bag," Ino said in a tight voice.

"What do you mean?" Hinata asked in a hushed voice.

"That drink _was_ alcoholic," Ino said starting to panic. "Very. A few sips is enough to get you tipsy, and the whole bottle will knock you out for sure."

Hinata gasped with horror. "You _have_ to get it back from Sakura-chan."

"Yes, yes," Ino agreed, nodding frantically as she made her way towards the door. "I have to get it back from Sakura."

"Get what back?" Temari asked suddenly from the now open doorway, causing both Hinata and Ino to yelp in surprise. Temari raised a golden brow at their bizarre reactions, as Ino stuttered quickly, "Th-the… homework! Yes, the homework. I've got to get it back from Sakura; she took the wrong one by mistake."

"Too late," Temari announced, though not unkindly. "You can get it tomorrow first thing. It's lights out now."

"OK," Ino squeaked, as Temari bid them goodnight and disappeared.

Ino and Hinata stared at each other in grim horror with the same thoughts running through their minds: 'Sakura: please don't finish the whole damn bottle!'

* * *

Sasuke was pissed.

He had never felt so furious in his life. And he thought the day he found out Itachi enrolled him in an all-girls school was bad—this was definitely worse. It had never really occurred to him that he would be picked up by some freak ass pimp as his star attraction. Disgusting! Sasuke just wanted to skin the guy alive; Itachi he'd skin alive and roast over live coals—he was _definitely_ the one more to blame.

Sasuke was jarred from his seething ruminations by the opening of the dorm room. Sakura promptly entered: cheerfully drunk. Seems she had finished a third of the bottle, and she was blessedly unaware that she was _way_ tipsy. Well, at least one good thing came out of it: she wasn't jumpy around her roommate anymore.

"Hiya, Satsuki!" she chirped. "You look like you're ready to commit murder. Who ticked ya off?"

Sasuke momentarily forgot his previous anger at Sakura's absurdness. "Sakura," he began, "are you drunk or did you simply lose your mind somewhere along the door to the spot you're standing on?"

Sakura blinked owlishly at him for what seemed like a minute; then erupted into a fit of giggles. "Oh, Satsuki-chan! That's so nice! You were worried about me," she simpered, beaming at her roommate, who was beginning to think she really _did_ lose her mind—permanently.

"I'm not up to this right now," Sasuke announced trying to keep his cool.

At that declaration, Sakura burst into tears. "You don't want me anymore?" she gasped stricken (It's the alcohol talking!). "You want to kick me out, and get a new roommate, _is that it?"_

Sasuke gaped at her. No wonder. Sakura was yelling now, and if she didn't shut up, they'd _both_ be in trouble. And he had enough trouble going on in his life, thank you very much. He really didn't need anything more added to the mix—especially one that he had no fault with whatsoever.

"For God's sake, keep it down," he hissed. "You have totally lost it. Get a grip on yourself, please!"

Sakura sniffled and looked at him with wounded green eyes and her knuckle tucked between her lips.

Sasuke couldn't help himself. "God, you look pathetic!"

At that insensitive, but accurate statement, Sakura started wailing in earnest. And the almost-fed-up Sasuke did the one thing he could do to shut her up: he threw his pillow at her. Sakura shut up all right. She was knocked out cold. Sasuke tentatively made his way towards his unconscious roommate who still had his pillow in her face (well, she couldn't exactly remove it in her state). A quick check established that Sakura was none the worse for wear; and a glance at the bottle clutched in her hand cleared up Sakura's present state of mind: she got drunk.

"Of all the times to get drunk," Sasuke muttered under his breath as he prodded Sakura with his toe. "Damn. She's totally out." Glancing sourly at his roommate, he came to the annoying conclusion that he had to be the one to put her to bed, as inconvenient as it might be. There was absolutely no one else. And if he didn't want her to catch a cold, he would have to do it. 'Course, he could've just tossed some blankets on her, and be done with it, but that particular thought process didn't seem to make its way in his mental circuitry. Maybe, he was looking for—an excuse?

Sighing, Sasuke picked Sakura up with the intention of just tossing her in her bed, and good riddance. Didn't quite work out that way, though… Sakura unconsciously twined her arms around Sasuke's neck, and tucked her head under his chin with a sigh.

Sasuke almost dropped her. He couldn't believe she had the gall to breathe on him! (Yeah, like she had a choice!) Thinking to get it all over as quickly as possible, he threw back the bed covers and placed Sakura where she belonged, but Sakura—out of sheer contrariness—or we could call it "fate"—refused to let go of her hold on Sasuke when he attempted to pry her arms from around his neck. What happened next… is what happens in any good romantic novel, story, or fanfic: his lips brushed hers.

The brief contact shocked Sasuke so much; he was able to disentangle himself from Sakura's hold. He placed the back of his hand on his lips in an attempt to quell the slight tingle he felt at the not-quite-kiss. Sakura—damn her—sleepily brushed the back of her hand across her lips, as though to remove something annoying from it.

Annoyed with everything going on, Sasuke tossed the covers on Sakura, turned on his heel, and made his way towards his own side of the room, where he plopped down, propped his hands behind his head, and tried to think of something else.

Unfortunately… he did. Him slapping Itachi. Shit! He'd never "slapped" anybody in his life. He'd punched out a few people, yes—but never, a slap. Groaning silently, he turned over and buried his face on his pillow.

'What the hell am I turning _into?'_ he thought to himself.

Obviously, someone he can't seem to recognize. Poor Sasuke! Seems like Itachi might win this bet after all—or not… Time will tell.

A/N: Replies to signed reviews are in your e-mails: read 'em! If you don't, that's OK, too…

A/A: Replies to anonymous reviews are right here… To **meh**: Here's my update for you. Glad you liked the chapter and thanks for reading my fic/story/whatever! -smiles- To **discord2chaos**: Haku here, is whatever Haku is in the animé. -smiles- (Since you're all smart, I'm sure y'all got that…) To **ladyaymie**: I'm glad you reviewed anyway, even if you couldn't remember what you're review was about in the first place. Glad you liked the part about Ino, too. So did I! To **Kurochi-hime**: Um… I'm not really sure about the pairings, but Itachi will go out with two people here: guess who? -wiggles eyebrows- To **boredoutofmymind**: Thanks for the review! You rock! (I hope…) -sweatdrops-

A/R: I've got certain reviews I think should be addressed to everyone for clarification purposes. Check out the reviews page for what they said originally, as I'll only be posting my replies here. Reply to **somepersonxP**: Hehe! Thanks for that very nice review. Loved it. Anywayz, regarding the fact that they can't tell... I am going to say this once again: people see what they expect to see, and most don't really look more closely than the surface that is presented to the world. Only those who really look closely can tell... and really, how many people are those kinds in real life? Reply to **XyoushaX**: I never really considered the subtle nuances you are insinuating XyoushaX-san, though it seems to me you're quite a stimulating intellectual reviewer. I'll try and give a brief synopsis on "Twelfth Night" (which I will post on my personal page, because if I don't, this whole chapter will be overrun by things that are not part of the story), though I'm not sure it'll do much good, since Ruru-sensei -ahemhem- is teaching it to her class (the one Temari, Kin, and Haku are in), and they're older than Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Hanabi, and I guess Tenten. I actually have a Gundam Seed fic called "Twelfth Night" in as well. (The reason I put "Twelfth Night" in here was because I'm advertising my other fic…) So, if you're interested, go ahead and take a peek. And here's between you and me: the plotline for Missy... (Argh! The bloody title's too long!)... was actually intended for Athrun! He was the one I intended to cross-dress, seeing as Cagalli already did the honors, but I decided in our boring lecture hall (at my school), that I'd just rework it for Sasuke instead. And I must say, it's not so bad! -smiles- Reply to **Cindydemon tamer**: Uh, Kin sorta overheard Ino mumbling to herself. Nobody would've been the wiser otherwise (just Ino and Hinata). Kin just wanted to make trouble. As for Orochimaru... He sorta just came out of... nowhere? -sweatdrops-

S/A/N: To my beta reader **pei-chan**: I hope I've put enough _fluff_ to satisfy you. Get a grip on yourself before I really put my "toes up your nose"…


	9. I Came, I Saw—A Plan?

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I finally got around to finishing this chappie! -sob- -sob- -sob- I had to do 3 exams in between—and, oh, yes: an essay… or two—but I have finally succeeded in accomplishing my duty. I still have another exam to go, and I also have to go to work, and I also have a job interview next week, so if this takes a long time to update again: don't kill me! To all of you who have waited for this chappie: here goes…

CHAPTER 9: I CAME, I SAW—A PLAN?

Needless to say Sasuke didn't get much sleep the night before. This caused him to be in an extremely foul mood the next morning (which was, compared to yesterday, a vast improvement altogether), that he didn't bother to wake up Sakura, who overslept due to an accidental over-imbibing the night before.

He really should've woken her up earlier, or better yet, he shouldn't have bothered at all, even though everyone would probably ask him what happened to her.

He had just finished getting ready for school that day, when he finally remembered that he actually had a conscience and went to nudge Sakura awake to get her to class. No easy task, since Sakura didn't seem inclined to wake up at all, and instead kept tossing and turning all over her bed. Impatience finally got the better of him, and he wrapped his fingers around Sakura's wrist and yanked her out of bed: big mistake…

Sakura promptly threw up all over him—just as a knock sounded on their door.

"Great," Sasuke muttered through clenched teeth, "Just great."

He stomped towards the door and yanked it open to reveal Yamanaka Ino.

One look at Satsuki told Ino all she needed to know. She let out a guilty squeak, which Sasuke—being Sasuke—had no problem identifying.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Ino, and accused in a deadly whisper, "You gave her that 'thing', didn't you?"

Ino valiantly tried to salvage the remnants of Satsuki's patience by attempting to change the subject. "Did you get sick, Satsuki-chan?"

Obviously, it didn't work. "No, Sakura did. But then, you're not _really_ surprised at that, are you, Ino?" Sasuke asked in a deceptively mild voice.

Ino—smart girl—caught on pretty fast that the only thing that would save her from Satsuki's wrath was a diffusion of truth. "Look: I give her the wrong drink, alright? I had absolutely no _intention_ of getting her drunk, OK?"

"Gee, Ino, that makes me feel _so_ much better," Sasuke replied sarcastically.

"It was all a mistake," Ino interrupted. "I was going to go after her to get the drink back, but then Temari-senpai came, and I couldn't tell her the truth 'coz I would get in _so_ much trouble and it wasn't even my fault that I had the wrong bag in the first place!"

Sasuke closed his eyes at the pounding he could feel erupting in his temples. "Honestly, Ino, I don't really give a damn whose fault it is right now, because it doesn't change the fact that Sakura just threw up all over me, and I have less than 15 minutes to jump in the shower, get changed, and get her something so she can sleep it off properly or whatever it is she's supposed to do to get her to feel better—preferably without her gagging all over me. Oh, yes! I have to be on time for class, too, so pardon me if I have a temper," he stated sourly.

Ino's lip trembled slightly—whether to laugh or to cry, she wasn't really sure, but she figured that if she did either, Satsuki would really lose it. "I'm _so_ sorry," she whispered. "I really—"

"Should tell Temari-senpai that Sakura's sick," Sasuke interrupted, "and inform Kurenai-sensei that I might be late while you're at it."

"Will do!" Ino said brightly, as she said a hasty goodbye and sped off to do what Satsuki said, utterly relieved that she _didn't_ "lose it".

* * *

Temari was working on some important documents pertaining to the annual dance between Konoha High and Saint Blossom Academy in the student assembly room in Konoha High, when Shikamaru entered with a pile of paperwork in his arms.

She looked up at him, as he dumped the huge pile in a corner of the table, sat down on a chair, and promptly folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. She stared disbelievingly at him for a full minute before clearing her throat.

"Nara-san," she began resisting the urge to berate him for his laziness, "aren't you going to do the paperwork?"

"All done," Shikamaru muttered as he tilted his chair on its back legs.

That sure took the wind out of her sails. "You're 'done'?" she asked in disbelief. "What'd you mean: 'you're all done'?"

Shikamaru opened one eye to look at her. "As in: you-don't-have-to-do-anything-else-after-you-finish-what-you're-doing kind of 'done'."

"Oh."

"Can I get back to sleep now?" Shikamaru demanded his tone not raising even a decibel.

"Yeah, sure," Temari answered wide-eyed, as Shikamaru got comfortable again. 'I don't _believe_ this guy,' she thought in disbelief. 'If he expended the same amount of energy he does slacking off as he did in everything else he should be doing, _I_ would be the one sleeping.' She stared mulishly at him for a while, unable to summon enough concentration to get back to her work, and thought uncharitably, 'He probably wouldn't wake up even if a gave him a whack on the head or something.'

Uncannily, Shikamaru seemed to sense her not-so-kind thoughts and murmured accordingly. "If you wanna hit me, better do it now, while I'm still dozing off, so I don't get interrupted when I'm finally sleeping."

Temari hissed furiously at him, before stalking out of the room bristling like an angry cat.

Shikamaru stayed immobile for a few more seconds before muttering under his breath, "Women: always making a big deal out of nothing. They're such a pain."

* * *

Temari was stomping along the corridors of Konoha High trying to get her feathers unruffled when she was suddenly greeted by a feminine voice.

"Temari-senpai!" Ten-Ten called out.

"Tenten-san," Temari blinked, trying to get a grip on herself. Shikamaru seemed to rub her the wrong way more often these days, though she didn't get on his case as much as she used to. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, just visiting my former teammates, and trying to catch up, y'know," Ten-Ten answered airily indicating her companion. "I suppose I should perform the introductions," she mused thoughtfully: "Subaku Temari-senpai" —she nodded at her upperclassman— "Rock Lee" —she indicated her companion—then finished with, "Lee, this is Saint Blossom's R.A. Temari-senpai."

Temari raised a speculative brow at him. "So you're the one challenging my little brothers," she remarked. "Are you sure you can take them? We didn't win the martial arts tournament two years ago for nothing, I can assure you."

Lee clenched his fist and nodded gravely. "And I can assure you senpai: we didn't win _this year_'s tournament for nothing."

Temari upraised him with an assessing look in her eye. "Well," she remarked her lips twitching, "you seem to have spirit. Whether it's misplaced or not remains to be seen." Her gaze shifted towards Ten-Ten once again. "How about you, Tenten-san? Are you interested in trying me out with a personal challenge?"

Ten-Ten raised her hands in the air in a "whoa" gesture. "I'm happy with my life, thank you very much. There's no point in complicating it when it's not anywhere near complicated."

"A _very_ wise woman," Temari drawled; then scoffed in slight irritation, "I wish I could say the same for Haruno-san."

"Sakura?" Ten-Ten asked curiously, while Lee's ears perked up at the mention of the name.

"She was sick today, and didn't go to class," Temari informed them.

"So," Ten-Ten began, trying to make sense out of Temari's conflicting statements, "she's stupid because she got sick?"

"No," Temari replied shortly. "She's stupid because she has a hangover from getting drunk without realizing it."

"That's stupid," Ten-Ten scoffed. "There's no way you can get drunk without realizing it."

"Apparently you can," Temari put in dryly.

The two girls continued to engage in small talk, even though Lee didn't really hear anything they talked about after Temari mentioned that Haruno Sakura was sick. Since he had been in like with the cherry-blossom haired girl from the first moment he laid eyes on her, there was only one thing burning in his mind: he had to make her feel better…

* * *

Sasuke was having a lousy day. He had barely been in time for class, and as he had previously predicted, everyone kept asking him what was wrong with Sakura. He got so tired of explaining that she was under the weather, that he had half a mind to just write out his response (it was practically the same all the time, anyway) and tack it on his blouse, so everyone could just read it off him and he didn't have to say anything else.

Heartily sick of seeing all the other students, and not at all eager to return to his dorm room to a sick hung over roommate, he made a detour towards the tree-lined grounds of Saint Blossom. Maybe a walk would relax him.

And it seemed it was doing just that. Sasuke could feel the tension of the past week slowly draining out from him. The thought vaguely crossed his mind that he had encountered Naruto somewhere around here, but he was so relaxed he didn't even felt annoyed with the inconvenience his friend's untimely reappearance into his life caused. It seemed spending weeks with his emotions tied up in some knot or another dulled his instincts a bit, because he never saw this coming…

"Excuse me," came a voice near him.

Sasuke spun around towards the general direction of the sound, and came face to face with—someone he'd never seen before in his life. For the life of him, he couldn't think of a thing to say. The person standing before him was the oddest one he'd ever seen. No one could possibly compare—they wouldn't want to anyway.

Rock Lee continued despite the wordless reply. "You are, Uchiha Satsuki, are you not?" he asked politely.

Sasuke nodded cautiously. He had a bad feeling about this…

Lee promptly presented a bouquet of daffodils with an exaggerated flourish.

'Help me, God,' Sasuke groaned wordlessly. Just when he thought he could relax, he had to deal with something like this.

"Look," Sasuke began, putting out his hand in an attempt to forestall any embarrassing declarations, "this is really—"

"Please!" Lee cut in, not really listening to what he was saying. "Accept these flowers as a reminder of my everlasting love and devotion—"

'This is so _wrong,'_ Sasuke thought, feeling light-headed.

"—for Sakura!" Lee finished dramatically.

"What?" Sasuke asked confused.

"You are her roommate, are you not?" Lee asked, still holding out the bouquet towards him.

Sasuke nodded cautiously. This was getting confusing.

"Then," Lee continued, "you can accept these flowers on her behalf, and assure her that I am eagerly awaiting her recovery." He finished this excessive declaration with a gleaming smile that could not possibly be real.

'This guy is so weird,' Sasuke thought, wanting nothing more than to never lay eyes on him again—whoever the hell he was—he still didn't have a clue. "Uh, right," Sasuke answered slowly, as if by doing so he could inject some normalcy in this conversation. "I'll tell her it's from…?"

"Rock Lee," Lee replied, "the one and only."

'Thank God for that,' Sasuke thought dryly. "I'll—see that she gets them," he gestured towards the daffodils.

"Yes," Lee nodded, "Thank you." He handed Satsuki the bouquet and cleared his throat.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Do you need anything else?"

"I have composed a poem for my darling Sakura," Lee said as dramatically as ever.

Sasuke gave him a contrived smile. "Good for you."

Lee's lips twitched in a happy smile. "I shall recite it to you," he announced blithely. "Then you can repeat if for my Sakura's tender ears." He opened his mouth to do just that, but Sasuke forestalled him—

"I draw the line at poetry," Sasuke said firmly. He was a millisecond away from outright panic. This was just too much.

Lee's face fell. "I see," he said crestfallen. Shaking his head slightly, he continued more heartened, "Then I shall await her recovery and bare my poetry to her tender expectations." And with one final salute, he zoomed—yes, "zoomed"—away.

Sasuke sweatdropped as he watched the soup-bowl haired guy disappear. If he ever saw the guy again, it would be too soon. He glanced at the flowers he was holding. They sure were pretty. For a moment there, he thought that Lee guy was giving _him_ the flowers. He'd never felt so embarrassed in his life—for both of them. Thank God, no one was watching—they'd have a field day otherwise.

Finding out that the bouquet was for Sakura gave him a huge measure of relief, and a twinge of—annoyance, perhaps? Was it because the flowers weren't for him, or because they were for Sakura?

What the hell? Why the heck should he care if _Sakura_ got any flowers to speak off? And why the heck was he even the slightest bit peeved that those flowers weren't for _him?_ Sasuke brought his free hand to the side of his head. He didn't even know what he was thinking anymore. Whatever they were, they were just too disturbing for his peace of mind—not that he knew what that meant anymore. With a frustrated sigh, he walked back to the dorm carrying the bouquet of daffodils, wishing he could just throw it in the nearest trash bin. That would make him feel better—only just a teeny tiny bit, though.

* * *

Sasuke slammed the door of their dorm room shut, unmindful if the loud sound disturbed Sakura's delicate sensibilities. "Hey, Sakura," he called out, as he walked towards her bedside. "Some guy named Lee asked me to bring you these." He stopped abruptly upon seeing his roommate's prone figure huddled under a massive mound of covers.

Heaving a sigh, he made his way towards the bathroom to put the flowers in some water before they died. He opened the door to the bathroom—and wished he didn't. The last thing he ever expected to see: was Sakura wearing just her shirt and her panties, with her shorts down by her ankles, obviously just finishing up from a call of nature. His retinas would never be the same again. Quickly slamming the door shut, he made his way towards the center of their room and started pacing agitatedly.

Sakura finally made her appearance a scant minute later. The first thing she saw was Satsuki glaring daggers at her. She rolled her eyes in exasperation. She couldn't see what was so embarrassing about the situation—for her anyway. She opened her mouth to clear the air, but Satsuki beat her to it—

"Didn't you ever hear the concept about locking the door behind you when you're doing your 'thing' in the bathroom?" Sasuke yelled, his face red from a combination of embarrassment and anger.

"Excuse me?" Sakura yelled back, her own temper flaring. _"You're_ giving me a lecture on this? What about you? Has the concept of knocking to make sure the bathroom's empty not in your apparently lacking range of proper manners?"

"And standing around in you underwear is your idea of what constitutes proper manners?" Sasuke asked in disbelief.

"For your information," Sakura shot back through gritted teeth. "I was in a perfectly acceptable location to get naked if that was my inclination, and you have no recourse to berate me on it! And what's with you and my underwear anyway? We're both girls so obviously you have them, too. It's not like it's anything you haven't seen before."

"Well, it is, so you better be in a constant state of decency," Sasuke snapped back.

"What?" Sakura asked.

'Shit!' Sasuke thought, mentally kicking himself for his stupidity. 'I almost gave myself away.' "It's not something I see everyday in another person, OK?" he amended tightly.

"So… what?" Sakura asked, still yelling. "I wasn't even naked, for God's sake! What the hell's the big deal about it?"

"So you're saying you have to be naked when I see you, so I have a right to be angry then?" Sasuke asked in disbelief.

"What the hell are you saying?" Sakura yelled back. "That is the most twisted interpretation of reasoning I've ever heard in my life!"

"And you're the densest girl I've ever met in my life!" Sasuke yelled.

"And this is the loudest 'lover's quarrel' I've ever encountered in my life," a third voice chimed in jokingly. "What in the world is this all about?"

"None of your damn business!" Sasuke and Sakura yelled in unison at the offending intruder.

"Excuse me?" Temari asked, a furious pulse starting to pound in her temple. "Do you both have any idea who you're yelling at right now?"

The sight of their now-furious R.A. glaring at them from the doorway combined with her previous icy retort was a great time-out for the two "combatants".

"Temari-senpai," Sasuke greeted, slightly shell-shocked. He really couldn't think of any greeting remotely appropriate to the situation. It was all just a damn mess.

"Temari-senpai, we—" Sakura began, as Temari's dark green eyes narrowed expectantly. "That is to say— Well— I mean— We're really—"

"Let me help you out with that, Haruno," Temari said in a voice dripping with a dangerously sweet sarcasm. "Both of you are ingrates. You have _no_ idea what I went through with the Headmistress to prevent her from making an inquiry on Tsuchi's claim on your sexual orientation and possible lewd practices on school grounds," she seethed.

"But we—" Sakura began.

"I know you are," Temari cut in with perceptive understanding. "I know it was nothing, and I _know_ Kin was just trying to make trouble. My point is: don't make me regret covering up for your asses by getting into trouble with a shouting match that can be heard from here to Konoha High. Can you both—do that?"

Both Sakura and Sasuke nodded. They hadn't realized exactly what Kin's announcement had done; since their own classmates were smart enough to figure out it was all a hoax after a few days. They hadn't really considered being disciplined by Kin's contrived announcement through her interpretation of certain events she couldn't possibly have any idea about what really happened in the first place.

"And just for _further_ clarification," Temari added, shifting her glance from Sakura to Sasuke and back again: "Whatever I don't hear, is none of my business; if I hear about it, it becomes my business. So let's try keeping stuff I really don't wanna hear about between our own teeth so it doesn't flap any more lips, shall we?"

With one final nod at their R.A., Sasuke and Sakura then watched as she closed the door behind her when she left. They stared awkwardly at each other for a few seconds, but couldn't manage to dredge up one single word. There was nothing more cold dousing than being told to fight _silently._ I mean, what was the point of fighting if you couldn't scream at the other person? Absolutely nothing. That being said, there was really nothing else to be done except take themselves out of each other's hair—for the time being. As for their little altercation… To be continued… Maybe…

* * *

Yakushi Kabuto made his way towards the basement parlor in one of Orochimaru's establishments, pushing aside curtains along the way.

"Ah, Orochimaru-sama," he greeted casually upon spotting the said person lounging in a black leather couch, "so here's where you are. I've been looking all over for you. How did it go with Satsuki-chan?"

Orochimaru chuckled slyly while rubbing his chin with a long white finger. "The little darling is playing hard to get. But judging from her brother's reaction: if we can sway her, she won't be any trouble at all."

"That's _if_ you can even sway her at all," Kabuto interjected analytically.

"And what makes you think my little Uchiha girl is even such a prude?" Orochimaru asked with idle curiosity. "Were you perchance, watching our little altercation last week, hmm?"

"I would never be so impolite as to poke about your private business, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto murmured, pushing up his glasses with his index finger. "It was—"

"Orochimaru-sama!" a high-pitched voice sliced through their conversation.

"Ah, if it isn't Kin-chan," Kabuto murmured in a speak-of-the-devil tone.

"I found one for you," Kin chirped excitedly throwing herself on the couch beside Orochimaru. She quickly whipped out a picture from inside her bra and presented it to him with a flourish.

Orochimaru idly took it and raised it to his gaze. He stared at it for a long time before remarking, "Very beautiful. Almost ethereally so… She's quite perfect… but she's not who I'm looking for."

"For real?" Kin gasped.

Orochimaru proceeded to stroke Kin's dark head. "My poor little Kin. You must be working so hard."

"Indeed, Orochimaru-sama," Kin chirped again. "I do it all for you. I promise: I'll find you the perfect one yet!"

"You do that," Orochimaru replied lazily, as Kin disappeared out of the room.

"Pardon me for my inquisitiveness, but Orochimaru-sama, why didn't you tell her that you've found one?" Kabuto asked speculatively.

Orochimaru chuckled in a know-it-all way. "My dear Kabuto: did you really think Kin would take kindly if she knew that I found someone I deem more perfect than she is?"

Kabuto's lips quirked slightly. "Point taken, Orochimaru-sama, but" —he stared directly at Orochimaru— "that still does not solve our problem."

"My sweet little spy seems to have found me an acceptable alternative," Orochimaru remarked idly, tapping the picture he was still holding on the arm of the couch.

Kabuto smirked. "Really, Orochimaru-sama," he chided. "Do you really think that I don't know you that well? You always go after what you want; and you always get what you want. You're quite a guy."

"And—you're point is?" Orochimaru drawled.

Kabuto's smirk widened. "I have just the plan to get both of them."

"Both?" Orochimaru inquired, raising a black brow.

"Two beautiful girls," Kabuto concluded with a wide smile.

* * *

_Ting-ning-ning-ning-ning-ning-ning! Ting-ning-ning-ning-ning-ning-ning! Ting—_

"Momochi Zabuza," a raspy voice answered tightly.

"Hello, darling!" a voice purred from the other end of the line.

"Will you stop doing that?" Zabuza snapped.

A cool husky voice chuckled in his ear from the other end of the line. "Really, Zabuza. You can be such a prude sometimes. I guess that's what I love about you."

"Will you quit talking to me like I'm the love of your life?" Zabuza snapped into the phone. "It's freakin' me out."

"Hmm?" the voice noncommittally murmured back.

"For God's sake, Haku! Would you please just get serious here?" Zabuza finally hissed. "I really think this whole idea was a mistake."

Haku clucked reprovingly at the other end. "It was your idea, Zabuza."

"Please don't remind me," Zabuza muttered.

"Don't worry," Haku assured him. "I did what I was supposed to do, and I think they took the bait."

Zabuza's expression lightened at that piece of news. "They did, huh?"

"Yes, indeed," Haku remarked. "It's all going according to plan. All we have to do is to reel them in."

A/N: OK. I sorta went all Cæsar on the title, and I'm not sure if anybody is actually gonna get which part of this chapter exactly they're pointing to, but… well -shrugs- I'm not quite sure anybody will really care. Anywayz, I just wanted to acknowledge those reviewers who actually answered my nonsensical question about last chapter's title, and also to give a round of applause to one reviewer who actually got it right. Thanks for humoring me, guys! -blows a kiss- **Kurama-san92**: Ooohhh! You actually thought about it. That's nice. Um, that thing about Itachi calling Sasuke/Satsuki as a "he" was a slip of the tongue (for Itachi; for me it was intentional), and it wasn't a mistake since he, of course, knows all along that dear Sasuke is a guy. **Chico the Science Penguin**: Heehee! Here's another one who humored me. Oh, but you almost had it. I give you 2 out of 3. Half marks for the first and third "surprise" guesses, and full marks for the second one. **Nadramon**: Hmmm… Not only did you humor me, you gave me a really long review… It was a pretty far out guess, though… It didn't quite hit (but it _almost_ did). **Kacijo12**: Congratulations! You got the 3 surprises down pat. Yay! I should really give you something, but I don't know what exactly…

A/A: I would like to thank all of the readers who were so patient with me for failing to update this fic too soon. Replies to signed reviews are, as always, sent to your e-mails, so please check them (if you want to). Replies to unsigned reviews, as always, I will answer shortly. To **ladyaymie**: Long chapters will start to become a norm from now on (I think…?). I'm glad you think Itachi's in-character mode, too! -beams- To **VessaMorana**: I'm glad you seem to be having fun reading my fic, because it is fun to write. I'll do my best to get the pairings you want in here. I promise: you'll be seeing more of Haku soon… -smiles mysteriously- To **boredoutofmymind**: I hope you didn't choke too much, though I'm glad you got a laugh out of it! -grins- To **Person**: I hope you like this update as well…

S/A/N: To **purple1**: ... I can't believe you both insulted and complimented me all in one review. I don't know where you studied grammar, but I can assure you that mine is 99.9 percent perfect. I'm really grateful for your loyal reviewing and all (of both my fics), but seriously: I can't believe I'm being assured I'm getting better at grammar by a 12-year-old…!


	10. Girls' Night Out?

DISCLAIMER: 'Naruto' is by Masashi Kishimoto. 'Missy, I'll Make a Girl Out of You' is by Ruru Kitsuneko.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Finally. After a year and a half of not updating, I am finally putting up chapter 10. Yay. I'm usually long-winded, but for this long-awaited chapter (I hope…), I'll get to the point: thank you to the readers who will still be reading this chapter even after such a long time. I haven't gotten to read all your reviews since putting up chapter 9, and I don't know if I still can, but… I'll try… And we can now proceed directly to:

CHAPTER 10: GIRLS' NIGHT OUT?

"Sa-ku-ra-cha-n!" a very cheerful voice called loudly from the now open doorway. Yamanaka Ino sailed into Sakura and Satsuki's dorm room early the next day, but stopped dead in her tracks upon intercepting Satsuki's _very_ unfriendly glare. "Uh…" Ino began nervously. "Hi… Satsuki-chan. How yah doin'?"

"Very badly," Sasuke said thinly, giving Ino an it's-all-your-fault glare before slamming out of the room.

Ino stared bemusedly at the closed door before whirling around to face Sakura, who sat cross-legged on her bed. "Did I just imagine it, or did Satsuki-san just give me an 'it's-all-your-fault' glare just now?" Ino asked her friend.

"If you ask me," Sakura began, flashing Ino a wintry smile, "Satsuki is the one who's at fault here right now. She clearly needs an attitude adjustment."

"Like you don't?" Ino countered dryly.

Sakura slammed her pillow against her bed in frustration. "I cannot believe she actually had the gall to give me the third-degree treatment on my state of undress! I mean, is it a capital crime to walk around in your underwear?"

"Uhm… Yeah…?" Ino answered literally.

"It was a rhetorical question, Ino," Sakura hissed, furious at her friend. "And besides, I wasn't even walking. I was in a perfectly acceptable place for any undressing acts I'll have you know."

"You mean there was supposed to be an encore?" Ino muttered with bland sarcasm. "What did you have in mind: your shirt off as well?"

Sakura glared indignantly at Ino for that wisecrack.

"What's the bid deal?" Ino muttered. "So you guys had a fight. Now, is that anything to get snippy about?" She turned to look at Sakura only to find her friend baring her teeth like a rabid animal. "OK, so it _might_ be something to get mad about." 'She's the one who needs an attitude adjustment,' Ino thought to herself.

"If there was anybody who needs to be embarrassed about the whole thing, it would have to be Satsuki," Sakura announced, her green eyes glittering with righteous indignation. "I mean, whatever happened to knocking?"

"Whatever happened to locking your door when you do your business," Ino muttered under her breath.

"So is it my fault now because the lock doesn't lock?" Sakura snapped.

"Argue with the lock why don't you," Ino shot back irritably. "Quit taking it out on me. Like it's my fault you got sick."

Ino finished her annoyed tirade only to meet Sakura's narrowed green eyes. 'Oopsie,' Ino thought a little light-headedly. 'Yep. It _was_ my fault. I can't believe I actually got her drunk…'

Sakura rolled her eyes, dismissing the thought that crossed her mind. She wasn't aware yet of Ino's part in her "illness", since Ino still hadn't plucked up the courage to 'fess up to what really happened. Though, she probably should get a move on, or else Hinata would spill the beans and Sakura would just cheerfully kill her—after Satsuki had her turn.

"Hey, Sakura," Ino began, trying to change the subject (but found herself blurting out the first thing that came to mind), "What kind of underwear do you think Satsuki-chan wears?"

Sakura's head snapped in Ino's direction, and her mouth fell open in shock. Utter silence prevailed for a few intense minutes.

'Oh, God!' Ino thought in abject dismay. 'Why don't I just take a bottle and bash myself on the head with it? Maybe then I'd stop running my mouth all over the place. Of all the things… why did it have to be underwear, for God's sake?'

She swung her gaze at Sakura's direction and found that her friend's mouth was still unhinged from her brain. It was like she still couldn't comprehend the question. 'Well, why not?' Ino thought to herself, suddenly irritated. 'It's only underwear. What's wrong with that? Ah, ha!' —she suddenly perked up— "It's the perfect form of revenge, Sakura-chan," Ino told her friend, in an extremely I-just-got-a-great-idea tone of voice.

"Wha—" Sakura mumbled, blinking rapidly, as if just waking up from a long nap that she didn't realize she had taken.

"It's like this—" Ino started, "Satsuki-san just saw you in your undies, right?"

"Uh-huh?" Sakura replied slowly, cautiously nodding.

"Well, then it's settled! Let's raid her underwear drawer and take a peak at hers," Ino squealed excitedly, clapping her hands. "Of course, she won't be in them, but well, you just have to take whatever revenge you can when you can—"

"What in the world are you talking about?!" Sakura shouted, her brain finally snapping back into full and complete working order. "How can going through Satsuki's underwear drawer—wait! Ino! Stop it!" Sakura scrambled to her feet after Ino, who had shot straight through Satsuki's clothes drawer and started pulling them open.

"Hmm…" Ino murmured, looking critically at the pieces of underwear she managed to pull out of the drawers. "They're kinda… sporty… Don't you think?"

"I don't wanna think," Sakura moaned horrified, her fingers digging in her scalp and tugging at her hair as if to pull out certain mental pictures that she really didn't want to be picturing.

There was nothing embarrassing or incriminating about dear Sasuke's choice of underwear (no briefs in the drawer—thankfully), but Ino actually holding them _was…_

"For God's sake, Ino!" Sakura muttered somewhat panicky. "If she ever finds out that we actually _looked_ through her things… I don't know what—"

"What's the harm in finding out about your roommate's habits?" Ino asked breezily. "It's not like you're actually gonna steal her stuff. You're just checking it out. This stuff doesn't look very blood resistant to me," she muttered decisively, raising an eyebrow at the material of the current clothing item she was desecrating, and before Sakura could even take a breath after that outrageously audacious statement, quickly followed by the curiously asked question: "Do you think she uses napkins or tampons?"

Sakura just looked at her in utter stupefaction. She had so much information overload; her functioning brain capacity just did five mental somersaults and ten mental cartwheels: she seemed to be forgetting how to breathe during the duration of this conversation. "You expect me to ask her _that?"_ she asked in a strangled whisper. Heavens! What would Ino come up with next?

Ino just shot her friend a baleful look and continued violating dear Satsuki's underwear drawer (somehow I can't seem to call it lingerie…). Sakura just hoped to God that Satsuki didn't walk in on them while Ino was still at it. She really, really did…

* * *

Sasuke took a deep breath as he walked along the dormitory hallways of Saint Blossom Academy. He didn't have any particular destination in mind; he just wanted to walk off the steam he was keeping under tight lid ever since his fight with Sakura yesterday.

Ideally, it would have been better for him to walk outside and take a breath of fresh air in order for him to clear his head more effectively, but judging from the people he always seemed to meet whenever he went for a walk, namely: Naruto, his idiotic friend (whom he kissed and claimed as his "boyfriend"); Itachi, his sadistic brother (who didn't seem to have enough to do with his life); the nameless pervert—Orochimaru (who had the nerve to not only cop a feel, but who wanted him exhibited for the delectation of the perverted masses); and Rock Lee, Sakura's overeager suitor (with the most awful hairstyle he had ever seen in his life—and _really_ bad poetry skills), and the unpleasant events that seemed to directly follow their appearances, he really didn't think taking a walk where he might meet someone was conducive to his sanity.

His mind was so full of rioting thoughts that he didn't notice that he had walked right into the Bara (Rose) area of the students' dormitory—which was the seniors' wing—of Saint Blossom Academy, until a sweet and calm voice greeted him from the shadows.

"Uchiha Satsuki-san."

Sasuke turned around and came face-to-face with one of the most beautiful girls he had seen in his life. The gentle, Madonna-like quality of her features combined with her doe-brown eyes and straight raven-black hair made her a major knockout. He looked curiously at her as she gave a small smile and added, "I didn't expect to see the hot new freshman of Saint Blossom Academy wandering around in the seniors' area of the dormitories."

Sasuke looked startled for a moment before rallying with a response. "I'm sorry if I'm where I'm not supposed to be. I was just walking around to clear my head. I'll go back to my room now. It was nice meeting you, though…"

"Haku," the girl said still smiling, "Sanada Hakuhi."

"Sanada-senpai," Sasuke said politely. "It's very nice to meet you. I apologize for being in your area of the dormitories—"

"Please," Haku said putting up a hand. "There's no need to be so formal around me. If you must call me 'senpai', I'd appreciate it if you used my first name instead of my last name. And as for you wandering around the seniors' area, you have no worries that I'll tattle. I know for a fact how important it is for people to be able to clear their heads once in a while. Besides, the two of us have a _lot_ in common."

"Really?" Sasuke asked a note of challenge in his voice.

"We're both new here at Saint Blossom Academy, right?" Haku said brightly. "So let's try and be friends, alright."

"If it wouldn't inconvenience you, Haku-senpai," Sasuke replied blandly.

Haku gave a little laugh. "You're so funny, Uchiha-san. I suppose I'll see you around. Don't think too much. It'll give you migraines."

Sasuke kept his gaze on the pretty senior as she walked away, and an odd shiver danced up his spine. He had a slight foreboding feeling that this wouldn't be the last time they would meet, and that the other new student at Saint Blossom Academy would be more involved in his life that he ever wanted…

* * *

"Alright people: settle down now!" Ruru-sensei announced loudly to her homeroom class after calling the roll call—only Sanada Hakuhi was absent. "You'd think that after a month of constant classes you'd all be more sedate and ladylike, but you all seem to get rowdier the day… And you're all supposed to be _seniors._ The kind of example you girls are setting…"

Most of the students in Class 4 Section Momiji (Maple) rolled their eyes at their sensei, as she flicked a sheaf of papers in her hands and made another announcement:

"Extracurricular activities for the upcoming month will be geared towards this year's cultural festival. Talk to your club officers on what specific plans your clubs are planning during that time. Now, onto the main event for the cultural festival on the month after next: Saint Blossom Academy and Konoha High will jointly co-produce a major play, which will be shown on the last night of the three-day event."

A loud outburst of murmurings could be heard all over the classroom at this exciting piece of information. Though Saint Blossom Academy and Konoha High often celebrated major events, such as festivals simultaneously, each school independently planned and executed their own entertainments and events. This was the first time in the history of both schools that they would jointly plan the major event for the cultural festival.

"Well," Ruru-sensei continued, "the actual play that we're going to be doing isn't decided yet, we've decided to leave that choice up to the students, since they're the ones who'll be performing and producing the play—"

"Sensei!" a student called with her hand up. "Are the seniors going to be in charge of the play?"

"Actually," Ruru-sensei clarified, "this play is going to be a cooperative effort by all the year levels in both Saint Blossom and Konoha, which is why we're being very selective on who will be the student director."

Another loud burst of murmurings erupted all over the class once again. Now this was _way_ interesting. An excited tension flowed through the whole class at this piece of news and everyone was jabbering away animatedly to each other, speculating on what kind of play they should perform, just as Ruru-sensei once again attempted to maintain order in her raucous classroom.

"OK! That's it! We'll discuss the cultural festival and the play in more detail in our next homeroom class." Ruru-sensei placed the sheaf of papers on her desk and picked up a piece of chalk. "Time to move on to English literature, and since you're all looking so bored—from _not_ reading your assigned readings, I don't doubt—I've decided to liven up things for you: pop quiz!"

Everyone—except Ruru-sensei—erupted into a frenzy of moaning and groaning.

"Sensei!" the student who previously raised her hand called out, "You're so _mean!"_

Yep. She was mean alright. And this was one of her better days… You can just imagine the horror of the exams if ever she made them in a bad mood...

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" a soft cool voice inquired into the telephone receiver.

"I'm positive," the voice at the other end of the line answered back. "There's no mistake. It's all here in the records. Do you have any idea what's the deal behind this?"

"I honestly don't have a clue myself," was the somewhat confused reply, "I don't know how this is going to affect our plan, though."

A snort sounded from the other end of the line. "Trust you to still think about the plan after something like this."

"Actually," said the speculative reply, "this just might work out to our advantage…"

* * *

Sakura heaved a huge sigh just as the bell for the final class of the day sounded.

"S-Sakura-chan?" Hinata inquired worriedly, "A-Are you alright? You seem a b-bit down?"

"Well," Sakura sighed. "It's been a month now since me and Satsuki-chan had that fight and things haven't been the same since. I mean, we still talk and stuff, but it's sort of—stilted—I guess. I feel like I have to watch every word that comes out of my mouth." 'It didn't help that Ino made that mess the day after my fight with Satsuki-chan,' she said to herself as a disheartened afterthought. 'That mess she made took forever to clean up.' It was really lucky that Sasuke seemed preoccupied when he got back to their room (after meeting up with Haku).

"Oh, come on now, Sakura-chan!" Ino said in upbeat impatience. "There's no need to be all glum about it. It's not like she's giving you the silent treatment. I mean, like you said: she's still talking to you, right?"

"Well," Sakura hesitated, "It's just that—she's so—_polite!"_

Hinata and Ino blinked at that.

"I-Is b-being 'polite' a bad thing, Sakura-chan?" Hinata inquired perplexed.

"She's polite to everybody!" Sakura wailed teary-eyed.

Ino and Hinata sweatdropped at that understatement.

"We-ell," Ino drawled thoughtfully. "It's true that she was really nice to us when she first got here. I mean, just because she got into all sorts of trouble with being accused of 'lesbianism' and all…" she trailed off when both Sakura and Hinata gave her half-accusing, half-disbelieving looks, "Why are you both looking at me like _that?"_

"Why not?" Sakura asked with the same look still on her face.

"Oh!" Ino huffed. "You both know that I didn't have _anything_ at all to do with 'that'!" At the looks Sakura and Hinata were still giving her, she finally plunged ahead to the real point of her somewhat long-winded monologue: "If you want to improve your friendship—or at least bring it back to the way it was before you threw up at her" —Sakura threw her a dirty look at that statement— "then there's only one surefire way to do that."

"And that is?" Sakura asked with an eyebrow raised.

"What else? There's nothing that lets girls bond together than a 'girls' night out'!" Ino announced triumphantly.

"Huh?!" Sakura and Hinata exclaimed in disbelief.

* * *

_"Flight B19-S86 from USA to Japan is now disembarking. All passengers of Flight B19-S86 please proceed to the Immigration Offices for entry clearance. I repeat: All passengers of Flight B19-S86 please proceed…"_

"I'm finally back," an excited feminine voice laughed aloud to herself, "I hope they're both doing well. I can't wait to see them both! I hope they haven't missed me _too_ much…"

* * *

People have absolutely no idea of what they're capable of until they're actually put in a situation where they find themselves doing things that they would never have thought of doing even under normal circumstances.

A person like Uchiha Sasuke who was living a lie throughout his school days never really thought of living that sort of life, let alone doing the horrendously feminine things that required him to pass female muster among the inhabitants of Saint Blossom Academy.

He had never really thought of himself as a good actor, and he never really thought he'd last as long as he did without anybody at the school busting his chops, but he never even _dreamed_ that there would be anyone "insane" enough to actually do what he was doing of their own free will…

"_Uchiha-san!" a serene voice greeted him, rousing him out of his doze underneath one of the trees in the grounds of Saint Blossom Academy, "It's so nice to see you again after such a long time. How have you been doing this past week?"_

_Startled and slightly disoriented, Sasuke blinked awake to find himself staring at the face of senior Sanada Hakuhi, who was giving him a sweet and sedate smile as she stared at him with a twinkle in her dark eyes._

"_Senpai," Sasuke greeted belatedly. "It's nice to see you as well." In the interests of conversational etiquette, he decided to sit up in order to keep his mind on the thread of their conversation._

_Haku looked at him closely for a minute before remarking, "You seem to be more relaxed than the last time I saw you."_

"_Perhaps," Sasuke answered closing his eyes, which was unfortunate because otherwise he'd have seen the gleam in Haku's eyes as a warning that whatever she chose to say next, he wouldn't like it._

"_You don't seem to be spending much time with any of your classmates outside of class time," Haku remarked perceptively. "Is it because you just prefer solitude on principle, or is it because you're afraid they'll find out that you're not the girl you're pretending to be?"_

_All the air seemed to have been leached out of Sasuke's lungs. His head snapped sharply in Haku's direction, and though his expression remained impassive, the depths of his eyes reflected the shock he felt at the very accurate question. 'There's no _way_ she just guessed this,' he thought hollowly._

"_Don't worry," Haku assured him with a kind smile, "I'm not going to tell anybody your secret. After all, we share the same secret, too."_

Even after all these weeks, Sasuke still had a hard time believing it. He had tried his utmost to avoid encountering Sanada Hakuhi in any manner after that, but fate—or rather, Yamanaka Ino—decided otherwise…

"_Satsuki-chan!" Ino greeted brightly before class one morning. "How are you this beautiful morning?"_

"_What do you want?" Sasuke asked coldly, not allowing Ino to beat around the bush._

"_Me and the girls are going on a 'girls' night out' next Friday," she answered cheerily._

"_Good for you," Sasuke remarked offhandedly, not caring in the least._

"_You're coming with us, of course," Ino said dropping her bombshell. Before Sasuke could open his mouth to argue, Ino overrode his unspoken protest with a bright: "Excellent! We'll fix you up after school next Friday, and then we'll all leave together for a night of fun! Isn't it great? Aren't you glad you're coming?" And without further ado, she skipped towards Sakura and Hinata, and announced loudly, "She said 'yes'," which caused all three of them (Sasuke, Sakura and Hinata) to sweatdrop at the blatant lie of that statement._

That wasn't the only lie Ino told in the course of her endless machinations. Sasuke glanced at Ino from the corner of his eye, and saw Sakura shooting fulminating glares in her friend's direction. From Sakura's and Hinata's reactions, it seemed to have slipped Ino's mind to inform them all of the true nature of their so-called "girls' night out."

"Satsuki-san?" Haku prodded gently. "Are you alright? You don't seem to be enjoying yourself?"

"Of course she's enjoying herself!" Ino said brightly, without giving Sasuke any chance to either confirm or deny the curious comment. "How could anyone not enjoy themselves when surrounded by such _cute guys?"_

The full blast of Sasuke and Sakura's glares would have felled a lesser individual, but Ino, of course, was made of much sterner stuff, which was quite evident when the presence of the so-called "cute guys" in their "girls' night out" was properly put into context…

"_Ino!" Sakura yelled at her friend. "Why do you keep looking all over the place?"_

"_Oh, y'know," Ino replied airily, "just waiting for the other girls to get here."_

"_H-How many did you in-vite over, Ino-chan?" Hinata stammered._

"_Oh," Ino laughed. "Just a couple of the seniors and some—others…"_

"_Seniors?" Sakura exclaimed, rounding on her. "Which 'seniors'?"_

"_I believe those would be _them,"_ Sasuke remarked coolly as he pointed his finger towards two familiar figures—Haku and Temari._

_He was in a very testy mood at being made to undergo a second makeover session, which was decidedly more torturous __than the last. Not only did they make him wear a skirt (which wasn't _actually _that bad since he was already pretty used to it because their school uniform consisted of a skirt) and covered his face in that irritating substance they called makeup (which was _kinda_ bad since this was more than he wore last time—he was actually wearing eye shadow and blush in addition to the mascara, and—horror of horrors—he was actually wearing lipstick instead of just gloss), they also made him wear stockings (which he wore with knee-high lace-up black leather boots that belonged to Sakura) and a halter top (which he _absolutely_ refused to wear—he opted for a purple sleeveless turtleneck shirt of Hinata's instead—how it fit him is anybody's guess), which he hid under a blue denim jacket that belonged to Ino._

_Ino also _insisted_ on sprucing up his "hairstyle" to look more girly, and then proceeded to flatiron and to wax his hair into a more "becoming" style. The total effect was more horrifying than he had ever thought possible: he looked like a _very_ attractive girl. For a brief moment of narcissistic objectivity, he decided that if he didn't know that the image he was seeing in the mirror was actually _him,_ he might be tempted to go out with "her"—the thought of which nearly sent him into another fit of suicidal-homicidal psychosis._

_Pushing the unpleasant thoughts of "her" appearance aside, Sasuke directed his gaze at the two seniors who had now reached their table. Ino, Sakura, and Hinata promptly greeted both senior girls after which, Haku offhandedly remarked, "I think I saw the others on their way here already, though I don't really know most of them."_

"_Let me make one thing perfectly clear," Temari interrupted abruptly before the other girls could be given a chance to reply to Haku's casual statement, "The only reason I am here right here, right now, is not to participate in any of your shenanigans, but to make sure you all behave like proper students of Saint Blossom Academy and don't get carried away and do something stupid that you'll regret later."_

"_I'm already regretting just _being_ here," Sasuke muttered sarcastically._

"_Now is that any way to talk to your friends, my dear little sister Satsuki?" a drawling voice that could belong to no other than Uchiha Itachi suddenly spoke, sending chills down Sasuke's spine. If he had thought that him seeing his image of himself in the mirror was bad, having Itachi see it was a hundred times worse._

_Smiling brightly at Uchiha Itachi, Yamanaka Ino proceeded to very prettily flutter her eyelashes at him and say with equal brightness, "I'm _so_ glad you could make it Uchiha-senpai. This 'group date' just wouldn't be complete without you."_

_Before anybody could comment on that outlandish statement, another voice added itself to the rising tension among the group._

"_My God, Ino! You're such a _liar,"_ came the annoyed voice of Nara Shikamaru. "I can't believe I actually brought into the whole 'middle school reunion' spiel you were spinning all over the place. I bet you told your girlfriends this would be a 'girls' night out,' didn't you? Oh, man. This is so troublesome."_

_Ino laughed lightly at her friend's very accurate statement, and proceeded to run over all the objections that were now glaring in her direction. "Well, we're all here now, and it would just be _so_ rude if we didn't introduce ourselves now, wouldn't it? So, I'll start: Hi, everyone! I'm Yamanaka Ino, a freshman at Saint Blossom Academy. This pink-haired girl over here" —she pointed at Sakura— "is my best friend Haruno Sakura, also a freshman at Saint Blossom. The shy dark-haired girl over there" —she pointed at Hinata— "is Hyuuga Hinata, another freshman at Saint Blossom, and _this_ girl" —she gestured dramatically in Sasuke's direction— "is none other than Uchiha-senpai's dearest younger sister, Uchiha Satsuki, a new freshman at Saint Blossom."_

"_Lovely to meet you, ladies," Itachi said, smiling politely. "Allow me to formally introduce myself as well: I'm Uchiha Itachi, a senior at Konoha High." Gesturing to his companion, he announced, "This is my classmate: Akarui Sasori. He just returned from a foreign exchange trip in Brazil."_

_Glancing at Temari and Haku's direction, a peculiar gleam came into Itachi's eyes that went unnoticed by everyone, before he remarked in a friendly voice, "This lovely lady I happen to be acquainted with" —he nodded in Temari's direction— "The very responsible and _engaging_ R.A. of Saint Blossom Academy: Subaku Temari-san, another senior just like myself. But this other young lady" —he glanced towards Haku— "I don't believe I have the pleasure of being acquainted with yet. Temari-san, would you do the honors, if you please…"_

_Promptly complying, Temari gestured towards Haku. "This is Sanada Hakuhi, a senior transfer student into Saint Blossom Academy."_

"_Please call me 'Haku'," she announced with a very respectful bow. "I'm very glad to make your acquaintance. However, I don't believe I've had the pleasure of being introduced to your other friends."_

_All eyes swung towards Shikamaru's group at that statement. Not one to stand on ceremony, Shikamaru abruptly performed the introductions: "Nara Shikamaru" —gesturing at Chouji— "Akimichi Chouji" —gesturing at Kiba— "Inuzuka Kiba" —jerking his thumb behind him with a slightly irritated look on his face— "someone who I've never seen in my life who just happened to be here."_

"_I see," Haku murmured blinking her soft brown eyes in slight bemusement._

_The __someone-who-just-happened-to-be-there abruptly spoke up drawing everyone's attention to him: "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I don't know why I'm here either, but I'm not leaving because I have no idea how to get back by myself."_

_Everyone sweatdropped at that outrageously idiotic announcement, since there was really nothing anyone could say about it without feeling that their stupidity would rub off on them._

'_Stupid Naruto,' Sasuke thought, completely embarrassed for his friend._

'_I really can't imagine Satsuki-chan ever going out with _him,'_ Sakura thought unkindly._

'_I can imagine why Satsuki-chan broke up with him in the first place,' Ino thought equally unkindly._

'_He's an idiot,' Shikamaru, Kiba, Temari, and Sasori thought extremely unkindly._

"_Well… anyway…" Ino murmured trying to get back in the rhythm of things, "Let's all just sit down and get to know each other better, alright?"_

That was a tall order as far as everyone was concerned. Ino flirted constantly with Itachi. Itachi smiled impartially at everyone, conducted a normal conversation with Ino and Haku and kept shooting smirking glances at Sasuke whenever no else would notice. Sasuke divided his ever present glower and murderous intentions towards Ino and Itachi respectively. Naruto and Chouji stuffed as much food as they could in their mouths while alternating between breaths. Kiba kept Hinata occupied with anecdotes about himself, while Hinata kept shooting glances at Naruto whenever she could. Shikamaru and Temari resorted to sniping at each other, with Temari throwing most of the barbs in Shikamaru's direction. Sasori spent most of the evening alternating between ignoring everyone and baiting Sakura. Sakura kept glaring at Ino while trying to ignore Sasori's verbal barbs in her direction and steal glimpses of Itachi at the same time.

Further into the evening and completely impervious to the fulminating glowers her friends were giving her, Ino beamed brightly at none other than Uchiha Itachi. It took all of Sasuke's self-control not to hurl at the table right then and there.

Itachi, correctly interpreting the myriad of furious emotions blazing in his younger "sister's" eyes in his impassive face, proceeded to do something he'd never done before in his life: he flirted.

Turning casually towards Haku—who looked questioningly at him from behind her long lashes—Itachi flashed a smile in her direction that would have sent the majority of Saint Blossom Academy's student population into fits of fainting and palpitations. Without even batting an eye at the stunned expressions of those who happened to see this unbelievable phenomenon, Itachi remarked nonchalantly, "You're pretty cute."

Needless to say, Itachi's casual statement would not have made more impact than if he had actually jumped up into the middle of their table and started stripping himself naked.

Sasuke turned shocked eyes towards his brother's direction, but Itachi wasn't done shocking them all speechless with his sudden Casanova act. Haku had barely got the words, "Thank you," out of her mouth, when Itachi detonated his second bombshell for the night. Without even waiting for everyone around the table to start breathing again, he promptly asked Haku: "Will you go out with me?"

If his first statement to Haku was a bomb, his second statement was a nuclear warhead. Everyone felt as if reality was just turned on its head, and slammed against the ground.

Smiling back brightly at Itachi, Haku sweetly answered, "I don't see why not."

Ino and Sakura's mouths dropped open in shock. Sasuke found himself reeling from certain information that Haku had previously imparted on him about the actuality of "her" sexual identity. Probably the only one impervious to the rapt atmosphere centered around Itachi and Haku, Sasori indifferently remarked as he popped a tamagoyaki in his mouth, "Good for you guys. You're guaranteed to make it front page news."


End file.
